Sunday 29 May 2011

Which superpower would you choose?

There are a few discussions that recur in life. Some of these are the standard, prosaic one that occur at family gatherings on a semi-regular basis, whilst others are repetitive pub gossip amongst friends. Some are disgusting, some are banal and others are just strange.

One of these conversations that I have had a few times is about superpowers. To qualify, I'm not a comic book geek. I've seen the Batman and X-men films and a few other random superhero stuff, but I couldn't reel off the relationship between Captain America and the Green Lantern. I don't know the difference between DC and Marvel and I have certainly never (ever entertained the idea of) attended ComiCon.

That said, there are times when I'm a little jealous of the Caped Crusader. There are times when it'd be great to live outside of the rules of the world. Invariably, these sort of times lead to a little daydream where I wonder what exactly I'd like to change, and invariably I come to the same conclusion.

I'm not interested in superhuman strength, or an awesome innate weapon like Wolverine's claws or Cyclops laser vision thing (correct away, geeks). I don't want immortality, nor the ability to control nature, be that weather, the Earth's movements or magnetic fields. I don't want to fly (not a great fan of heights), swim like a fish nor be invisible. Being superflexible isn't for me, and if I'm being particularly honest, the idea of being bitten/poisoned/irradiated or in anyway painfully altered doesn't sound great either. I'm pretty selfish too - my chosen superpower probably wouldn't help humanity in any great way.

What I'd want is the ability to teleport myself, or apparate like in the Harry Potter series. I'd like to wake up late, and instead of panicking, running for the train etc etc, just to calmly teleport myself to wherever I need to be. Feeling stressed come Friday afternoon? Just shut your eyes and the next thing you know, you're chilling on a lovely beach somewhere, watching the sunset.

It's stereotype friendly (Jewish student...) and it's economically friendly too, as my carbon footprint would massively shrink. It could even increase productivity too - knowing I could just appear somewhere means I don't have to spend ages travelling so I could spend longer on the important things.

Effectively, there are no negatives that I can think of...so that's my chosen superpower. Let's hear some counter-arguments and other suggestions in the comments!

Apropos to all that, Batman> Superman 'cos any of us could be Batman if we were rich enough...time to go buy a lottery ticket...

Monday 23 May 2011

Rules of the Game...

As I mentioned in my 1st post (buried below the tome filled with Arsenal malaise), the impetus for starting the blog is to share the story of my quest for gambling alchemy - the penny accumulator.

The rules are simple:




  • 1p stake, accumulator bet on all the Premier League matches that matchday round


  • Choices are Win or Draw - no score betting or Win/Draw bets. It's like playing the football pools


That's it! If only 8 games are played due to rearrangments then it's an 8 game accumulator, but normally a round of matches will be 10 games. I'll do this for every weekend batch and the midweek round where the majority of clubs are in action.



As an example from yesterday's matches, I went for:



Stoke vs Wigan - STOKE



West Ham vs Sunderland - DRAW



Newcastle vs West Brom - NEWCASTLE



Aston Villa vs Liverpool - VILLA



Everton vs Chelsea - DRAW



Tottenham vs Birmingham - TOTTENHAM



Fulham vs Arsenal - ARSENAL



Bolton vs Man City - CITY



Wolves vs Blackburn - WOLVES



Man Utd vs Blackpool - UTD



Total Odds were 3250/1 and the bookies won. I got 4/10 right - a pitiful performance.



Normally, the odds are around 3000/1 and normally I get nowhere near fulfilling the bet. I know a lot of people also play this game regularly, so hopefully through the comments section, we can have a bit of competition and a laugh at some of the more outlandish predictions.



Finally, I'll be creating a Villains section for the players/officials who ruin my chances. Obviously, if I get 7 matches wrong then it's not an issue, but if there seems to be a standout reason why I fail to become rich through this well-thought-out scheme, then they'll go on the list.



Let's make this nice and interactive - it'll be a bit of a laugh!!!

Sunday 22 May 2011

Arsenal Season Review 2010/11

I wrote this a while back when our season mathematically finished, but thought I'd repost it here at the real season end. What a farce the last month has been eh?!?!?


_______________________________


I decided to write a follow up to my previous note, from the start of the season. That was one filled with optimism - showing why I thought we could challenge and push on from previous seasons. I wrote:


I believe that this squad will be there or thereabouts come the end of the season. I believe we have to play every trophy (including the Carling cup) to win it, in order to create the winning mentality and momentum needed to be Champions. On our day we can beat any team in the world. It's not about ability, it's about consistency.


I don't think I was too far off with that. We, mathmatically, lasted until Matchday 36 (Stoke away) before being out the title race, although in reality, it was probably matchday 34 (Bolton away) that saw us off. In the CL, we came up against the best team in Europe and were beating them with an unusually defensive display from Arsenal. It's worth pointing out, that for all Barca's dominance of stats, they were losing in the one that actually mattered (ironic, that) until RVP was sent off farcically, which ended any ability we had to release pressure. We took the Carling Cup more seriously than we have done for years and reached the final relatively comfortably. OK, we froze on the day, but lets remember that even playing poorly, it required an inspired Foster performance in goal, and a colossal cock up at our end for B'ham to win the trophy. The FA Cup was a strange campaign - we struggled against 3 lower league opposition, but won each tie eventually, before outplaying Man U at Old Trafford - but losing (again due to a phenomenal perfomance from an opposition GK...tactical masterclass by Fergie, my foot).


On paper then, not too disappointing. So why do I, and seemingly every other Gooner out there feel cheated? None of us genuinely believed that we'd win a quadruple. I think most would have settled for a cup win and a strong showing in the league, which we were pretty close too. I think it comes down to the final line of that excerpt above: consistency not ability.


This season, we beat Man U, Chelsea & Barca at home. We stuffed the scum 4-1 at their place and ended Citeh's undefeated home record emphatically 3-0. We played some phenomenal attacking, free-flowing football, with Walcott & Nasri in particular having their best spells at the club.


However, we also showed the same proclivity to self-destruct that we have had for too many years now. We lost at home to 2 promoted teams in WBA & Newcastle. We threw away a 2-0 half-time lead against the scum to lose at home against them for the first time in my conscious football memory (17 years in reality, but football didn't really exist for me pre-1994 world cup).

5th February, 2011 was the day our season fell apart. It started brilliantly - an incredible display of the kind of football that no team in the world, and I include Barca in that could do, or cope with. 4-0 at half time v Newcastle. 3-0 after10 minutes - it was like having the old Invincibles team back. The speed at which we attacked, the clinical finishing, the strength in all departments. We were unstoppable, and were flying. We were going to make history.


Correction: we DID make history. Just not the sort of history anyone wants to make. The first team to throw away a 4 goal lead. The psychological damage from that game, still hasn't been lifted from the squad in my opinion. From there, we went on to lose the CC final. We went on a run of draws that knocked us further and further behind in the title race. Wenger became an increasingly frustrated figure, the fans' patience ran out, especially with the news that ticket prices would be going up significantly. Every mini-revival, every event that seemed to be a rally proved to be a false dawn. 3-1 at Spurs, again being pegged back, beating Man U, losing to Stoke & Bolton. The season

slowly petered out...Same old Arsenal, always disappointing.


Yes, we got some crappy luck again. Refereeing decisions v Sunderland, Newcastle & Barca spring to mind immediately....worth 4 more points and a decent chance at progress in the CL (or at least extra-time). Vermaelen being out for basically the whole season. Yes, Man U yet again ended up positive on the dodgy-decisions balance sheet. But so what, even with all of that, we had a great opportunity to challenge convincingly in the league, and fell away. We had the cup final to end the trophy drought and froze. We made the rod for our backs, the psychological barrier that we seem unable to break through. Wenger seems more frustrated and anatagonistic than ever, and whilst I am not calling for his head...he will probably leave after next seaosn when his contract is up unless something drastically changes. As I said, "it's not about ability, it's about consistency" and we haven't shown anything like the consistency required to win a title, in the weakest race for years.


That was quite long enough - so if you decide to disappear, I totally understand. However, I'm going to do a brief individual review for each player below, along with who I'd like to see leave the squad. I'm not naming replacements, 'cos this isn't FM and I'm not a scout.



GK:


ALMUNIA: "right to be dropped, but not written off...given another chance" - Wrong on my part. Permanent hangdog expression doesn't transmit confidence to defence. Always been a 6/10 keeper...won't make too many howlers but won't have too many blinders either. Once the howlers started to arrive, time to get shot. SELL


FABIANSKI: "total liability at present, he has no reason to be anywhere near the first team at Arsenal at present and should be sent off on loan" Well, I'll hold my hands up here and say I was wrong again. Got his confidence back and seemed to be a decent, solid keeper. Unlucky with injury, but I'm happy too see him as our no.2 next season. KEEP


SZCZESNY: "impressed me...deserved a chance as no.2" Bloody hell. Took his chance when it arrived! The difference between him and Almunia in terms of confidence is incredible - and as a keeper, presence is everything. Limbs get everywhere, slightly reckless in his coming out and seems to be a bit of a twat too. I bloody love him. He's our twat, and he's outright no.1 in my book. Only keeper I've seen since Schmeichel to make himself that imposing when a striker is bearing down. Nothing seems to faze him, not the cock-up in CC final, not giving away the pen at WHL. He's gonna get better and better and I'm very excited to see. Kicking is atrocious though. KEEP


LEHMANN: Wenger seems to like going back to his old boys. Came in as an emergency loan, P1 W1...time for a bit of Mad Jens nuttery though in that game. Apparently gets on very well with Szczesny and may stick around as GK coach next season. KEEP (not as a player, as a legend)


DEFENCE:


SAGNA: Best rightback in the Premier League by a mile. The guy is a machine - nearly never injured (amazing at Arsenal), gets up and down all game long, all season long and is solid as a brick. Started to shoot a bit more too. Needs to improve his crossing and headbutting technique (that thing vs Citeh was embarassing). KEEP


EBOUE: Had a yo-yo career at Arsenal. Started as an impressive RB, failed to impress when shifted forward and has seemed an able deputy, with a more attacking bias to Sagna. That said, as popular as he is (now) with some fans, he never really seems to add anything. Bit of a nothing player. SELL


CLICHY: A genuine engima. Probably the best athlete in the squad, his recovery pace is incredible. His Arsenal education is evident in his comfort on the ball.However, since slipping to give that penalty away v Birmingham in 2008 (wrongly) he has always had mistakes in him. And not the little mistakes that you forget about - for some reason, Clichy mistakes always lead to goals conceded. Needs to improve on the defensive decision making - when to go forward and play cute triangles and when to hoof clear. KEEP (unless silly money comes in)


GIBBS: Very talented, very similar to Clichy. Reputation has grown on the back of him being injured and Clichy continuing his wobbles. KEEP


VERMAELEN: Shame that we missed him all season. Good pre-season under his belt and hopefully will add bite and leadership to our defence next season. Future captain perhaps? KEEP


DJOUROU: Came back from his own annus horribilis to add height, pace and calmness to our defence. Lost his league unbeaten run eventually to Bolton after a fair few years. Should be 1st choice alongside Vermaelen next season. KEEP


KOSCIELNY: Divides opinions. Had some incredible games - Barca being the standout one and is very strong defending one-on-one. However, struggled to adapt at times and picked up a few red cards and defensive howlers (Carling Cup final....shudder). Should look better now he's had time to settle in. KEEP


SQUILLACI: Good idea from Wenger, add cheap, experienced, solid defender. For some reason, it hasn't quite worked. Unlucky in that we havn't had a settled defence so hasn't had a gentle introduction alongside an experienced partner. The most expendable centre back. SELL


MIDFIELD


NASRI: Came of age this season. His first half was amazing - his confidence dribbling and shooting is very un-Arsenal. Dropped off a bit after injury, but a class act. Loves the club. KEEP


WALCOTT: As above. Adds directness that no-one else (baring maybe Arshavin) offers. His pace keeps defences back, giving the midfield more space to work with and he's scored several early goals to through balls. KEEP


ROSICKY: What if? Such a talented player, but his hamstrings have wrecked his time here. Failure to score for over a year really affected his confidence. Not a bad player to have on the bench, but rarely changes a game. SELL (reluctantly)


ARSHAVIN: The laziest player I've ever seen. Also one of the most effective. Does nothing for ages, looks puffed after 10 mins, but then plays a superb pass, makes a great run and crucially, likes to shoot. Scored some important goals and when up for it, has a great work rate, chasing back and tackling. If he could keep that up for a whole season, he'd win Player of the Year. KEEP (for now)


FABREGAS: Not his best season. He's struggled for fitness, and often seemed frustrated at how his teammates have performed in his absence. That's what it's like to be a gooner, Cesc! Would only leave for Barca, and I don't think they'll pay for him. One of the best midfielders in the world, deserves better than some of the dross he is surrounded by. If he leaves, I couldn't blame him but I hope to God he gives us another chance. KEEP


WILSHERE: I've been saying for years that the boy's a bit special (as has everyone else). Great technically, brilliant drive in the midfield and a touch feisty. Left foot is a dream. This kid is the real deal - and is better at 19 than 90% of players in the Premier League will/have ever been. Needs to add goals to his game, cut out some of the stupid tackles and stop hanging out with pillocks off the field. That includes you, John Terry. KEEP


RAMSEY: Thanks to Shawcross and Stoke, he lost a year when he was playing brilliantly last season. Slowly got fitness and form back at Cardiff, and has shown flashes of returning to his old levels towards seasons end. As with Vermaelen, needs a good preseason. KEEP


DIABY: It's no secret - I don't like him. All the skill in the world, but mentally he doesn't have what it takes and his body is more brittle than RVP. Looks good for 20 minutes out of 400. SELL


DENILSON: And whilst we're on the topic of players I don't like - Does he ever show any effort? Sideways passing is great, but doesn't try and get back when we're without the ball, gives away stupid FK/pens with his pathetic trailing-leg attempt at a tackle and offers very little going forward. Our worst midfielder. SELL

*Since this was written, he's said he wants out. Cheerio, I'll drive you to Luton myself*


SONG: Started the season without the discipline he'd previously shown and scored a few vital goals, but was caught out a few times too. I'd rather he stayed back as a shield and let Wilshere/Cesc/Ramsey pull the strings. That said, seems to have struck a good balance with Wilshere as 2 men sitting in a 4-2-1-2-1 formation. Needs backup for his role too so we can rest him occasionally. KEEP


FORWARDS


VAN PERSIE: For me, technically the best player at Arsenal. His touch and vision is breathtaking. Has perfected the lone striker role brilliantly, and forged a great relationship with Walcott. Form since January is the best in the country, and with the decline of Drogba, the moodiness of Torres and the weight-gain of Rooney, the best striker in the country (Tevez may argue this one). Should sacrifice whatever it takes to stay fit, be that International football or his own children. KEEP (obviously joking re: child sacrifice....sort of)


CHAMAKH: Great start to the season, but then something strange happened. He changed his style of play completely...going from a direct player who looked to spin the defender/play on the last shoulder and won penalties/FK as a result (as well as getting through on goal) to a striker who played with his back to goal. His form droppped as a consequence, lost fitness and confidence and has hardly had a look in due to the form of RVP. Lets see Early-season Chamakh in future please! KEEP


BENDTNER: Divides opinion like no other player in the squad. I like him. I think he's pretty good for a 23 year old, has a good all-round game and famously has no issues with self-confidence (11/9 on a confidence scale). Has had a niggly season due to injuries and the formation we play not suiting him ideally, but is a great player to have on the bench, a real Plan B. Should try and make himself indispensible, and work on his finishing and 1st touch. KEEP


VELA: Even stopped scoring in the Carling Cup. When I was working at Arsenal a couple of years back, a Mexican fan asked me why Vela couldn't play for Mexico as he played for Arsenal. I think he now does, only we've suffered rather than Mexico benefit. Too lightweight, too often off the pace. Can't get a game at WBA, can't get a game at the Arsenal. SELL


ASSORTED YOUNGSTERS/LOANEES: Only Lansbury should be given a chance in the first team squad next season. The rest should either go out on loan again (JET, Frimpong, Eastmond) or be sold (Randall, Traore).


So there is my player-by-player squad review. I'd buy another centre back, another right back and an understudy for Song (could be an older experienced, Gilberto-esque player). That's without selling anyone - anyone sold should be replace on top of that. I'd also like to see some backroom changes - let's get in a defensive coach (Keown/Bould have been mentioned) and a GK coach too (come back Bob Wilson....). I'd also like to see more shooting practice on the cards as our conversion rate must be frustratingly small. If we could improve it by 5-10%, we'd win the league, even with a shoddy defence!


Thanks for reading!

Lift Off

I've been mulling over the idea of having a blog for a while. Every now and again, I've decided to put words down via the medium of Facebook notes, but I feel a blog seems more grown up and official. And I am very grown up and official.

So basically, there is no real theme to the blog other than what I choose to write about. I'm a big sports fan, especially of the Arsenal so I'm sure that will have a regular airing. I like me political debates so that'll probably get talked about too. I'm a medical student, with an interest in public health, so if you're really unlucky...you might get some of that too. But hey-ho...that's part of the fun of this lucky-dip style of blogging. It also means that if something I write really doesn't interest you, always stop by again because you never know what's going to get talked about next!

I make no promise of regular postings, but will endeavour to work out how the blogger mailing list thing works, so if you like what I have to say, you can have each post mailed to you as it comes out, thereby saving you all the hard work.

So to the name of the blog - well, the final impetus for starting the blog up was an idea that I started last summer. I've decided that the easiest way to get rich is not to work hard, but to win money gambling....either through the lottery, or through the coffers of Paddy Power. One of the brilliant ideas I had was the gambling equivalent of alchemy - turning a penny (the minimum bet) into serious dosh. The idea is to do a 10 match accumulator for each Premier League weekend, and hopefully make some decent money. I was kinda irregular last season, but with the commitment of blogging about it, hopefully it'll keep me on track and give you all a little laugh at how pathetically wrong I get it!

That's all for now, folks. Back to the books.