S4M3: The Usual Suspects (and Spurs)

I don't believe in league tables being published until after 3 matches of the season, as noted before. However, the wider media don't share my concerns and have already started the ranking process. This is, of course, an utterly pointless exercise, unless you're a Spurs fan (in which case, you're likely used to pointless exercises) and therefore are excited that you sit astride the table, like a chicken on a basketball, for the first time since Danny Blanchflower retired. Man City and Chelsea also have 100% records to date...although the former has beaten last season's runners up, whilst the latter has beaten 2 relegation candidates like a mean, Russo-Portuguese playground bully. Despicable. Swansea make up the group yet to drop a point, with their 2nd victory over a side looking to beat the drop this season too. I reckon it's the Fabianski effect.

Elsewhere, Arsenal showed some famous mental spirit to salvage a point at Goodison, and proved, yet again, that they are world leaders in medical science, with the Diaby-Giroud leg transplant proving a great success. Southampton belied the optimism of their Anfield performance with a torturous 90 minutes against the already non-descript WBA - change a few words and you could talk about Villa there too. The big result came at Selhurst Park, where, as mentioned on the ever-interesting Guardian Football podcast (this week, we learnt about snake sexuality & reproduction....thanks Malky), Chamakh, Downing and Carlton Cole all scored in the same game. The next day - an earthquake in California. Coincidence? Je pense not.

Although I don't generally talk in length about the league cup, it can't be let to slip aside - the whole Man Utd thing is just insane now. It shows Fergie to be a bloody genius to drag this squad + the geriatric Vidic, Rio, Scholes & Giggs to a league title. Funniest tweet was the one about Di Maria having already handed in a transfer request. I snorted a little when I read that and some cake fell onto my lap. True story. I'm a sharer.

Let's get statty:

This week, 21 people played
Most predicted result: Chelsea & Spurs WINS (21/21)
Most disputed result: Palace vs West Ham (5-8-8 split)

Highest odds: Andrew Feneley's Mum (8381/1)
Lowest odds: Me (1191/1)
Average odds: 2769/1

Best predictors: Feneley (Jr), Josh Gaon & Adrian Daniels (8/10)
Worst predictor: James Tobias (3/10) - stick that in your snarky comment pipe.
Average score: 5.67/10

Best predicted results: Chelsea & Spurs WINS (21/21)
Worst predicted result: Southampton vs WBA DRAW (4/10)

Everyone's results:

To this week's predos:

Burnley vs Man Utd - MAN UTD
Man City vs Stoke - MAN CITY
Newcastle vs Crystal Palace - NEWCASTLE
QPR vs Sunderland - SUNDERLAND
Swansea vs WBA - SWANSEA
West Ham vs Southampton - DRAW
Everton vs Chelsea - DRAW
Aston Villa vs Hull - DRAW
Spurs vs Liverpool - SPURS
Leicester vs Arsenal - ARSENAL

Total odds: 2978/1 (PaddyPower)

Good luck y'all

S4M2: Some things never change

So after the first 90 minutes of the new season, we were all onto a loser. All bar one thought that van Gaal would start his reign with a home win, but the newest occupant of the Old Trafford manager's office (Man Utd mouse mat and all....) picked up where the Moyesiah had left off with a record-setting reverse. I don't know much more than the MOTD highlights due to work & cricket, but I think that a lot of the hot air has been let out of the more gobby Man Utd fans, who were expecting a romp back to the title race. It's only 1 game...but it serves as a reminder that the squad is not as strong as others...notably the 2 blue favourites for the title, who both had comfortable wins.

In other news, Villa surprised everyone, including themselves by winning away - although they did this last season too, so it's only a good first step. Hull gave a welcome back wedgy to QPR and Arsenal huffed and puffed, and eventually Rambo'd the house down. Spurs completed the set of North London late winners with a late winner from their debutant, spawning a series of Dier puns. Liverpool also scraped to a rusty win over their feeder team, whilst 2 2-2 draws saw a great goal from McGeady and some shocking upper body strength from Victor Anichebe, who contributes bugger all else on the pitch.

In summary, the first weekend was a tad rusty, but no real surprises after the Swansea win. This weekend, however, sees the first big match up, between Man City & Liverpool. along with Arsenal's trip to Everton and 'Arry's return to the Lane. So hopefully, a little more action, although in all honesty, I'd take a scrappy 2-1 win every week.

Let's get statty:

This week, 24 people played
Most predicted results: Arsenal & Chelsea WINS (24/24)
Most disputed result: QPR vs Hull (13-8-3 split)

Highest odds: New arrival Andrew Feneley's Mum (3903/1). Feneley himself was in second place - clearly bets are placed in that household after a few bottles....
Lowest odds: Staying with the parental theme - professional risk avoider Steven Daniels with a cautious 439/1
Average odds: 1461/1

Highest scorer: Charlie Rawson 7/10
Lowest scorer: James Tobias & Doron Salomon 4/10
Average score: 5.46/10

Best predicted result: Arsenal & Chelsea WINS (24/24)
Worst predicted result: Swansea WIN (0/24)

Everyone's scores:

No league tables until after the 3rd match (old school).

To this week's predictions:

Aston Villa vs Newcastle - ASTON VILLA
Chelsea vs Leicester - CHELSEA
Crystal Palace vs West Ham - DRAW
Southampton vs WBA - SOUTHAMPTON
Swansea vs Burnley - SWANSEA
Everton vs Arsenal - DRAW
Hull vs Stoke - HULL
Spurs vs QPR - SPURS
Sunderland vs Man Utd - MAN UTD
Man City vs Liverpool - MAN CITY

Total odds: 1191/1 (PaddyPower)

Good luck guys!

Season 4: Back for more

So welcome back everyone, good to see some old faces, and some new too! What's gone on in the last 6 weeks since I last posted? Well - we had a vorsprungdurchtechnik ending to a great world cup, faithfully reported on by Impossibiliter Josh Daniels from Brazil. I'm looking forward to getting a few hundred additional hits from South America each week as I'm sure he did nothing but spread the word far and wide.

Or just drunk several caiprinhas for breakfast before passing out for the rest of the day on Copacabana, making uncouth gestures at the window of the ITV studio.

Anyway - in more PL-centric news, there's been some interesting transfer activity. Man City have strengthened stealthily, and I for one, am looking forward to seeing the Fernando 'Barack Obama' (!?!?!) - Fernandinho axis playing whenever David Pleat is commentating for whoever he commentates for these days. Liverpool have bought half of Southampton, but sold Dracula for a Levy-esque price to well-known moral giants Barcelona. Brendan Rodgers also seems to have something of a left-back fetish at the minute, buying & loaning his way through the Primera Liga's full-backs. Chelsea have bought big with Diego Costa arriving in the most left-field transfer of the window. I don't think anyone heard a peep about that deal before it started. They also signed someone else but I've forgotten who and unfortunately have recently been diagnosed with amnesia so I doubt I'll ever be able to square that circle. Arsenal have signed their second superstar from Spain in successive seasons in Sanchez, Alexis. (I'll stop now). They've also signed Colombian no.1 David Ospina from Nice (which is nice) who, as everyone now knows is James Rodriguez's brother in law. This means 2 things: 1) Rodriguez is clearly coming to Arsenal in a few years (ITK) and 2) We should have more Colombians at the Emirates this season (and eating on Holloway Rd) which is a good thing. Take that as you will.

Everton have smashed their transfer record for Lukaku, whilst Spurs have reached the "young, foreign high-pressing manager" stage of their coaching cycle again. My bet's on Paul Ince to replace him by January. Man Utd have also spent big and have a manger with the ego required to stand in the shadow of the SAF stand. With no European distractions, they are clearly as dark a horse as a world superpower can be. A depleted Southampton will no doubt be scoring a lot of bullet freekicks this season, if they have anyone to take them.

Everyone else gets lumped together because 1) they could all go down and 2) this is already too long to read and I know that your attention span is similar to mine. Stoke have signed Bojan which I would not have predicted a few years ago, Nouveachateau have gone all Pardieu again, although with a slight Dutch flavour. West Ham are going to be this year's comedy club with the Daves and BFS having an on-pith altercation at half-time before the end of September I reckon. BFS clearly will be dominating before being hit from behind with a cheap shot from a steel chair by a leather-clad Karen Brady whilst Howard Webb, in his new career, is being distracted by a 25% off Ann Summers voucher being waved in his face by David Gold.

I'd also like to wish good luck to the new guys - all ready with their lunchboxes and shiny, clean boots. I hope Leicester do well, even with Coach Lasso in charge, am looking forward to seeing Sean Dyche in action (and again, David Pleat commentating there) and if I'm honest, am looking forward to 'Arry being abused around the grounds before resigning when QPR are doomed, but not mathematically down to save his reputation.

The Community Shield last weekend meant that the season has now begun - not in terms of trophies won or great meaning for the title race, but in the simple phrasing of "this season" not "next season". That said, on a personal note, I'm getting quite attached to leaving Wembley with shiny things and would like it to continue.

So to the game - a quick recap of the rules for the forgetful and the new:

• Each week, I'll put up the fixtures for the next round (or 2) of Premier League games.
• You comment with the team you think will will, or if you think it'll be a draw.
• I'll add in some Pro opinions and some statistical prediction models.
• I'll do some basic stats and a league table for those who play >2/3 of weeks.
• The winner at the end of the year gets the coveted Impossibilitee Trophy ***ooooooh....shiiiiiny***

• If you want to win some money, then enter the Pay Game - £10 to be paid before the end of September and payouts for the top 3 players (70-20-10 ratio). Obviously the size of the payout depends on the size of the pot - so the more players the bigger the prizes!

That's basically it - if comments don't work, you can always message me on Facebook, Twitter or any other means, providing I get your predictions before the first game. Any late submissions will have any games that have already started ignored. If there are 7 or fewer games in a weekend, then I don't play as this can skew the results - this is usually only an issue by the end of the season on FA Cup weekends.

Any questions, post them in the comments and I'll answer ASAP. I've also started a new job which should mean that my postings become a lot more consistent - Thursday night at the latest for a weekend round of fixtures. I can't always guarantee a great blog post full of wit & humour, but I'm sure you'll all survive.

To this season's first batch of Predictions:

Man Utd vs Swansea - MAN UTD

Leicester vs Everton - EVERTON

QPR vs Hull - QPR

Stoke vs Aston Villa - STOKE

WBA vs Sunderland - DRAW

West Ham vs Spurs - DRAW

Arsenal vs Crystal Palace - ARSENAL

Liverpool vs Southampton - LIVERPOOL

Newcastle vs Man City - MAN CITY

Burnley vs Chelsea - CHELSEA

Total odds: 728/1 (optional, but let me have them if you place an accumulator bet)

Good luck everyone - please spread the word and let's see if we can get record numbers to continue the growth of the world's first (& only? dunno, too lazy to check) accumulator accumulator. If you want in for the cash game, let me know and I'll let you know how. Until next week...