S4: The Final Table + FA Cup 3.Final

And just like that, season 4 of Impossibilitee comes to an end.

I'd like to say it's been a classic, but we all suffer from perception bias, and frankly, I had a shocker all season long, so it's not a moment too soon as far as I'm concerned. A big pre-season needed from my perspective.

The last matchday threw up a couple of shock results - Stoke absolutely hammered Liverpool in their best result in 60 odd years, whilst Leicester thumped a sorry QPR - the win wasn't unexpected but the emphatic nature probably was. WBA failed to leave their sunloungers in a first half where Walcott went wild with Wilshere; Wenger was well (w') impressed. Chelsea celebrated their trophy lifting afternoon with a fairly routine win, although they did have to come from behind - their carrying of Drogba was funny if a little bit unsportsmanlike for my taste. 

Burnley won at a Villa side looking ahead to tomorrow's FA Cup final to end their season on a high - they go with the good wishes of most neutrals, whilst Crystal Palace beat Swansea to finish in the top half for the first time in ages. The HarryKane returned to beat Everton, whilst Man City said goodbye to Lampard who'll finally move to NYC now. Nice that both he and Gerrard got their farewell goals - the end of a (debated to death) era

And finally to the final relegation spot - Hull needed to beat Man Utd to have any chance of staying up. They failed. 2 disallowed goals and 20 minutes against 10 men after Fellaini decided to castrate some Hull bloke before kneeing him in the face. Newcastle did their part anyway - beating a West Ham side who look forward to a new dawn in Stratford with European football, but without Big Sam. In feelgood moment of the week, Jonas Guttierez sealed his return from testicular cancer with the clincher, in what's likely to be his last game too.

And so to the end of our campaign - let's get statty:

This week, 18 people played

Most popular predicted result: Chelsea WIN (18/18)

Most disputed result: Stoke vs Liverpool (7-6-5 split)

Highest odds: Steven Daniels (7350/1)

Lowest odds: Feneley (1340/1) 

Average odds: 3433/1

Highest scorer: Feneley (7/10)

Lowest scorers: WhoScored.com, Steven Daniels, Josh Gaon & Will O'Doherty (4/10)

Average score: 5.28/10

Best predicted result: Chelsea WIN (18/18)

Worst predicted result: Spurs WIN (0/18)

Biggest swing: Mousa Sissoko's opener for Newcastle - 9 of us had the draw

Everybody's results:

So to the final leaderboard of the season, for those who played >2/3 of available week - 26/38

Josh Gaon led from the front all season, and hold on to win bu 0.05. A 3rd win in 3 seasons for the double FA Cup game winner - what a champion. The FinkTank consolidates their position as the best mathematical modeller. Honorable mentions to Yo Abbott with a solid 3rd place on debut and to Andrew Feneley's Mum for evading a late, desperate grab from Tarek. Just like at TrufShuf in 3rd year eh?

On a personal note, I've come bottom of my mini-family league for the first time. It's a humbling experience given previous leaderboard. Still, gives me a reason to ignore my family until August I guess....#canttakethebantz

The leaderboard for those who didn't qualify for the actual leaderboard...

All I've got to say is....JT....I expected better of you...

To the FA Cup, and it's an easy one to organise for those of you playing...

Arsenal vs Aston Villa - ARSENAL

I'll do a full FA Cup week next week, and will have do some close-season analysis of trends over the last 4 years, so you won't be without me entirely until August!

All that remains to say is thanks for playing once again, congrats Josh Gaon (trophy lifting session TBA) and good luck FA Cuppers.

See you next week and COME ON YOU GUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNERS!

S4M38: Right of Reply

Those of you who've read every word I've ever published on this blog will know that a part of my daily reading comes from Football365. For those of you who aren't familiar with this site, it's a "neutral", PL focussed football site (duh) with lots of interesting features about other leagues, a bi-daily Mailbox for regular Joes' like me to get published once in a while, a factchecker page that calls out Media bullshlacha and so on. If you're not a regular, I advise you to be - I think generally, the tone they strike is a good balance between fairness and humour.

If you're Doron, you'll disagree as they hate Man Utd. But everyone hates Man Utd so......

The reason I've brought this up is that they used to have a feature which was excellent but have stopped in the last few years. They still produce a weekly "Winners & Losers" column generally on a Monday morning after a round of PL fixtures. They used to follow it up with a second column a day or two later called "W&L: Whingers & Moaners" where the writer took some of the comments written below the line and engaged with them - either in a constructive way or calling them out for the rose-tinted bollocks that they often were.

This is a very long and convoluted way around to this - and to hammer home that point, this unnecessary clause...this piece is not sponsored by F365 - back to the crux of the matter:

I, George Gallolway*, allegedly of sound mind, have noticed a little rebellion creeping into the comments in the last week. There seems to be a selective issue with my counting abilities.

Well...I'd like to point out the 3 following pieces of information:

• I have a GCSE in Mathematics of football. Or something about Goal Averages. I dunno - it was ages ago and I didn't actually do most of the work. CEO material.
• I use Excel. I don't actually count anything myself. This has nothing to do with the point above.
• Whiners are wieners.

I don't mean to suggest I'm infallible. However in this case, this is clearly a Zionist-Swedo-Iranian plot to ensure minor changes to an amateur prediction league. This shall not stand. So, having donned the black fedora of accountancy, I have proceeded on a timely and waste-of-taxpayers-money (I did it at work) recount.

Basically, there was a minor clerical error. A weany little thing which in the grand scale of the universe and all of it's goings-on is really not all that relevant. What's 1 extra point to me, Josh Daniels, Feneley's Mum & Sam Ruback amongst friends?

Database amended, fear not.

I'm not even gonna wait for an Impossibilileak. Anyone who wants the data can have it. Just send a one off admin fee of £1500 and it's all yours.

However, this is irrelevant. The punishment for whistleblowing is a one way ticket to North Korea for a fun day out at an anti-aircraft gun testing facility. So, 잘다녀오십시오! Jalda nyeoo sip sio!

Check me out - satire + football + maths. You guys don't know you're born.

Other comment from last week:

 Yes, Josh. That is true. I'm putting it down to the Hail Mary thingamajiggy.

*I'm not actually George Gallolway. Promise. The extra 'l' makes it a made up person anyway so if there was an allegedly litigious unemployed bloke around....yeah good luck with that

In football news...

• Steve G should have gone ages ago. This is getting awkward now. Do as Fergie did and just go out of the blue - don't linger man.
• Yay Sadio Mane
• Yay Villa - has anyone ever stayed up by being absolutely trounced?
• I didn't see Man utd vs Arsenal. Sounds like I didn't miss much
• Fabregas has clearly found something on Lastminute.com

Enough of that - let's get statty:

This week, 19 people played

Most popular predicted result: Liverpool WIN (18/19)

Most disputed result: Man Utd vs Arsenal (8-5-6 split)

Highest odds: Steven Daniels (18,443/1)

Lowest odds: Andrew Feneley's Mother (1997/1)

Average odds: 7229/1 

Best predictors: Sam Ruback, Yo Abbott, Feneley & FinkTank (5/10)

Worst predictor: ***ROUND OF APPLAUSE***

David Silverman with only the second EVER 0/10!!!!

Go join Will O'Doherty on the honours board, son!

Average score: 3.26/10

Best predicted result: Man City WIN (16/19)

Worst predicted result: Crystal Palace & WBA Wins (0/19)

Swing: Lukaku's late winner - 11 people threw toffees at the TV with that one.

Everyone's results:

To the leaderboard for those who've played >2/3 of weeks (25/37)

Josh Gaon hasn't done quite enough yet - a 10 from Fink Tank could still see the title return to Times Towers. The stats snitches have seen Sam drop back to equal 3rd place, seen Feneley leapfrog me and Josh and Will dead level. Tarek remains very bottom - but within touching distance of Feneley's mum should he have a big week....

This week's predos:

Arsenal vs WBA - ARSENAL

Aston Villa vs Burnley - DRAW

Chelsea vs Sunderland - CHELSEA

Crystal Palace vs Swansea - CRYSTAL PALACE

Everton vs Spurs - EVERTON

Hull vs Man Utd - MAN UTD

Leicester vs QPR - LEICESTER

Man City vs Southampton - MAN CITY

Newcastle vs West Ham - DRAW

Stoke vs Liverpool - STOKE

Total odds: 2495/1 (PaddyPower)

Good luck guys.

S4M37: And then there was one

As expected, Burnley and QPR were confirmed as participating in the Championship next season, leaving just a single space with them in the relegation zone. Aston Villa,  Leicester and Sunderland continued their late revivals to leave Hull in the danger seat. Even Newcastle manged to pick up a point this week. Meanwhilst, Spurs, Southampton and Liverpool have their own battle to shed points now to try and avoid the Europa League.

It's a real shame how bloated the competition has become - I remember Arsenal's run to the final in 2000 of the old UEFA Cup with great fondness - Nantes, Werder Bremen, Deportivo la Coruna (before they were CL regulars...how times have changed) - all great ties against some fresh names. I do understand the reticence of clubs to really commit to the Europa League - whilst I think the Thurs-Sun thing is a bit of a red herring (you'll play twice a week in the CL too), it's the volume of games that's the killer. UEFA should lose the group stages and just go full knock out in my opinion.

Places 2-4 have more or less had their clubs confirmed, although the order is yet to be confirmed. It's advantage Man City now, and even more so should Arsenal fail to beat a Man Utd side back on their jammy winning horse this weekend.

What else? Stevie G made a funny at the expense of the Chelsea fans who really are revealing themselves to be quite the sensitive souls this season.

Right - enough of that, let's get statty:

This week, 20 people played

Most popular predicted results: Man City & Arsenal WINS (20/20)
Most disputed result: Newcastle vs WBA (6-6-8 split)

Highest odds: AFM 6690/1
Highest odds excluding AFM: 1507/1 Josh Daniels
Lowest odds: Steven Daniels 1100/1
Average odds: 2219/1 (1270/1 without AFM)

Best predictor: Sam Ruback 6/10
Worst predictors: ECI, AFM, Dinkin, Menachem, Will O'D & Brad (3/10)
Average score: 4.05/10

Best predicted result: Man City WIN (20/20)
Worst predicted results: Swansea & Sunderland WINS (0/20)

Swing: Gerrard's equaliser - upset 14 people.

Everyone's scores:

To the leaderboard (>2/3 or 25/36)

This week's predos:

Southampton vs Aston Villa - DRAW
Burnley vs Stoke - STOKE
QPR vs Newcastle - NEWCASTLE
Sunderland vs Leicester - LEICESTER
Spurs vs Hull - SPURS
West Ham vs Everton - DRAW
Liverpool vs Crystal Palace - LIVERPOOL
Swansea vs Man City - DRAW
Man Utd vs Arsenal - DRAW
WBA vs Chelsea - CHELSEA

Total odds: 11,954/1 (PaddyPower)

Good luck guys!

S4M36: The Focus shifts to 18

So it's official. Chelsea are champions. In a perfect display of irony after all the chat this week on Chelsea's style, they won 1-0 with  rebound from a missed penalty to get over the line with 3 to play. Liverpool similarly just about managed to beat a QPR side who are now all but down. Gerrard's farewell narrative tour continues with a missed penalty followed minutes later by the winner. Joining them will be Burnley, who would be disappointed to come away from their match at Upton Park with nothing - yet again, I find myself typing the word penalty in conjunction. To make it 4 in a row, we turn to Manchester where van Persie missed a penalty that would have earned a point for Man Utd - instead, they've now lost 3 on the spin, without scoring a goal for the first time since 1989. Somewhere in the north of Spain, there's a chuckling Scotsman. At the bottom end of the table, Leicester, Aston Villa and Sunderland all won to keep it very tight for that final relegation place - Newcastle join the party with their 8th consecutive loss followed by a remarkable unravelling on camera by John Carver - who is doing his best to never ever work in football again.

Swansea beat Stoke to record a record points total for them, whilst Aguero scored yet again against Spurs to keep City's bid for second alive. Finally, a superb 1st half performance from Arsenal knocked the stuffing out of Hull, and confirmed the 20th consecutive St Totteringham's Day. There's been a lot of negative comments about the celebrating of this ancient feast to which I respond - isn't mockery and banter against your rivals a massive part of being a football fan?

Finally, this week saw the Champions' League semi-final first legs, which I'll briefly touch on, even though I saw not a single minute of either of them. Juve got it spot on against Madrid - both teams were missing star midfielders, but they coped better to give themselves a great chance to catenaccio it out in Madrid. Pep clearly tried to do something clever with Bayern that mere mortals like me can't understand. However, I don't think you can really do anything to stop the Barca front 3 - the pace, work rate and skill they possess is unrivalled in any club side currently, or in history according to my knowledge.

'Nuff chat. Let's get statty:

This week, 20 people played.

The most popular predicted results: Leicester & Chelsea WINS (20/20) (massive endorsement of Newcastle there)

The most disputed prediction: Aston Villa vs Everton (5-6-9 split)

Highest odds: Josh Daniels 3795/1

Lowest odds: Steven Daniels 462/1

Average odds: 1733/1

Best predictors: Yo Abbott & Josh Gaon (8/10)

Worst predictors: Me, Feneley's Mum, Josh Daniels & WhoScored.com (4/10)

Average score: 6.00/10

Best predicted results:  Leicester & Chelsea WINS (20/20)

Worst predicted result: WBA WIN (0/20)

Swing: Swansea's opener from Jefferson Monteiro (7 of us lost out)

Everyone's scores:

To the leaderboard for those who've played >2/3 seats (24/35)

To this week's predos:

Everton vs Sunderland - EVERTON

Aston Villa vs West Ham (The Cameron Derby) - ASTON VILLA

Hull vs Burnley - HULL

Leicester vs Southampton - DRAW

Newcastle vs WBA - NEWCASTLE

Stoke vs Spurs - STOKE

Crystal Palace vs Man Utd - MAN UTD

Man City vs QPR - MAN CITY

Chelsea vs Liverpool - CHELSEA

Arsenal vs Swansea - ARSENAL

Total odds: 1106/1 (PaddyPower)

Good luck guys!