S4M4: The first table

Howdy folks.

How was the break? Go anywhere nice? Switzerland perhaps? Seemed like a good enough performance, although I was sort of focussed elsewhere so only really looked up when Clive Tyldesley got all excited. So, every 2 minutes then.

Anyway, I'm pleased for Roy and the rest of the squad that they had a nice break and got an opportunity to stock up on Toblerone and Emmental. I've just done a whole mental thing where I thought how great a international footballer's single malt collection must be given the opportunities to pass through duty-free - but then realised that 1) they probably don't really give a hoot about saving a few pounds, 2) probably can't drink regularly anyway and 3) go through duty-free so often that it's less of a thing. So I've dropped that thought.

Welbz did wel (see what I did there? Can't learn that at journalism school, unless you take Headline Writing  in the Sun 101. Er..yeah) scoring a brace to secure a win in the hardest game on paper. This is fortunate, because him scoring allows me to segue seamlessly in the TDD shenanigans. To return to the flat-topped one, I owe a personal apology to him as I was a bit neggy about him coming to a big club. I think it was probably misplaced frustration at the lack of defensive signings - so Danny, feel free to pop round and have a duty-free purchase at me. Just the one mind - need you match fit. Hull also had a good TDD with some very exotic talent arriving on the North Sea coast. Some Scouse bloke waited hours with a purple sex-toy just to assault a missionary from the Book of Jim White (matching ties....nice), which, whilst a bit childish, at least beat the blow up dolls seen elsewhere. I also have to admit to chuckling at the balaclaved people with a coordinated campaign to explete on TV. It's not big, and it's not clever - but I like puerile stuff so bum, willy, poo & fart. Hopefully, Sky will now end the TDD extravaganza and we can just report signings like normal people. Fat bloody chance.

It would be remiss to not talk briefly about Falcao - who has given up Monte Carlo for Manchester. Literally insane. It's gonna cost Utd a fortune, and more next summer if the reported purchase price is true - but the lad will score goals, if he can stay fit. Assuming his knees, and those of RVP don't explode, that's now a ridiculous front line, assisted by Di Maria, Herrera and Mata, with a maximum of 47 games to play. Bold statement - LvG going full Kevin Keegan though, with Smalling, Jones & Evans at the back for the whole season.

Which leads to the football from the last matchday (I'm on segue fire today). Somehow, Utd contrived to still not win a game, and apparently could have lost the point they did gain. City got battered 1-0 at home, whilst Arsenal dropped points to Leicester. Spurs continued their new found tradition of rolling over for Liverpool, whilst QPR gained their first PL win. Games of the round were at St James' Park, where a last minute Zaha equaliser ruined many people's betting slips/predos and at Goodison where both teams decided to play rush-goalies or something. Not a clue how that game (on paper) became a 6-3!

Finally - I know I can't read graphs, thanks for pointing this out repeatedly. They're actually pretty hard, and I've given away my GCSE CGP book, so yeah. Feneley gets a bonus Impossibilipoint for his honesty (non-transferable, actual value 0.0001 point) and the records are updated accordingly.

'Nuff chat - let's get statty:

This week, 23 people played
Most popular predicted result: Man City WIN (23/23)
Most disputed result: Spurs vs Liverpool (5-7-11 split)

Highest odds: Mrs Feneley - 8019/1
Lowest odds: Steven Daniels - 1467/1
Average odds: 3706/1

Best Predictors: FinkTank, Chernick and Charlie Rawson (6/1)
Worst Predictor: Me (1/10)
Average score: 3.55/10

Best predicted result: Swansea WIN (20/23)
Worst predicted result: Stoke WIN (0/23)

Everyone's results:

And now, the unveiling of the leaderboard for the first time this season. To recap for our newbies, the leaderboard only shows those who have played >2/3 of games to avoid small sample bias (ie 1 good week and then never playing again). So, for this week, it's only showing those who have played all 3 weeks.

Josh Gaon in top spot - clearly he's forgotten which trophy he's playing for, joint with Mrs Feneley, yes, her of the ridiculous odds. Perennial conservators Charlie Rawson & Steven Daniels make up the top 4, along with Jonny Chernick who's had a great start. Fink Tank leads the pros, equal with Josh Daniels who has a nosebleed from being this high up the table. Down at the bottom, James Tobias is reaping the bad karma sowed from his macabre bullying of me a few weeks ago, although to be fair, I'm not doing that much better.

Long way to go yet - let's get a human name on the trophy this year!

This week's predos:
Arsenal vs Man City - DRAW
Chelsea vs Swansea - CHELSEA
Crystal Palace vs Burnley - PALACE
Southampton vs Newcastle - SOUTHAMPTON
Stoke vs Leicester - STOKE
Sunderland vs Spurs - SPURS
WBA vs Everton - DRAW
Liverpool vs Aston Villa - LIVERPOOL
Man Utd vs QPR - MAN UTD (Like....seriously...enough already)
Hull vs West Ham - HULL

Total odds: 915/1

Good luck guys. Remember, if you want to receive immediate notification - we're trialling the Yo platform now - download on Android, iPhone, Windows & Blackberry and send a Yo to Impossibilitee to be added to the list!