S8M3: Let me tell you a thing

August is the best month and that's irrefutable, so as the kids say, don't @ me.

However, at the Tower, we believe in things like science & logic  - recently did a personality test thing for work. You'll be shocked to hear where my strengths lay... - so I'll lay out proofs so weighty that your Giuliani-esque alternative truths will be crushed. You ready?

1) Hot > Cold. This leave us May - August. I have no truck with the southern hemisphere but this is Old World focused .

2) Football > No football. So it's either May or August.

3) The Many > The Few. Now, as some of you might know, I'm not all that into politics. Ok, I'm interested, but not all that vocal. Sure I might occasionally call out a certain antisemitic garden gnome on Twitter but Impossibilitee is avowedly apolitical until John Terry runs for office. We did make a campaign contribution to Sol Campbell's attempt to become Mayor of London but that was for 2 reasons. We wanted to see him head a journalist's question back over the halfway line and wanted to see him open the new Spurs stadium. Obviously, he ran 4 years too early for that one.

Anyway, our apolitically communist tendencies have not at all influenced the 3rd proof which is that in May, many clubs are done and looking forward to 2 weeks in Magaluf/a nice villa in LA/caravaning in Minehead. Sure, some have somethng to play for, maybe a bauble or two, but many of us have switched off by then. August is for The Many however. Previous sins are forgiven in the excitement of the new season. New kit, new signings, warm day (see point 1), gleaming pitch etc - the world is everyone's oyster until the whistle goes and you concede from the kick off.

4) The tiebreaker. Not required but it's also my birthday which means sometimes you get football on your (my) birthday which is a special feeling unless you lose in which case the day is ruined. Fortunately, this hasn't quite happened for me this year so I can enjoy my birthday AND the football this week (until we lose).

Now I don't expect cards and presents but you might consider it if you've had a slow start to the season and want to curry some favour with the notoriously typo-laden data entryist who does the back end  of this site, ifyaknowwaddamean. Yes I have people. I don't just refer to Impossibilitee Towers to aggrandise this blog.

Anyway, so yes. August is the best.

The deliberate grammar overload above has been deliberately engineered to irritate NJSPTC early in the morning. Pour over that one big boy.

There was also some football last week which I might talk about now I've written 1000 words on stuff.

Saturday saw Cardiff pick up their first point of the season with a bore draw at home to Newcastle. Rafa must be only weeks ago from meltdown. Him or Mou first? Everton beat Southampton in a game notable for 3 things - Richarlison making everyone keep talking about his transfer fee, Walcott scoring a non-instictive goal and Southampton scoring. At all.

Leicester and Spurs racked up comfortable wins, whilst the Harry Redknapp Memorial Derby saw a top top win for Bournemouth who have 2 from 2 already. Maradonna has been reincarnated in Callum Wilson's body.

The evening game was a bit mad and could have been any scoreline from 2-2 to 5-5, but wasn't. A late Alonso winner gave Chelsea maximum points in a game they could have been dead and buried by halftime in. Fun for the neutral, not one for fans of defending.

Sunday saw Burnley lose at home to Watford #Europaleaguehangover before Man City thumped Huddersfield, without half a team and in 2nd gear. Ominous. Regular readers will know I'm a huge Agüero fan and he bagged his customary Early-season-hat-trick-in-a-thrashing. I mentioned a few weeks ago on Twitter that in my opinion, he was the 4th best striker in PL history and if he stayed a little fitter, he'd join the top 3 (to make a top 4, he's just that rung below currently for me. Henry, Drogba, Shearer if you were wondering). 

Anyway, I was informed by a very strange Mancunian (Utd fan weirdly) on Twitter that I was wrong and he was actually better than Henry and set about trying to prove it with a curated selection of statistics that didn't really stand up to further questioning.

The take home is that only a weirdo would try and prove to strangers the truth of something patently subjective. 

The last 2 games saw the Mou Meltdown edge closer as they lost comfortably to Brighton - a late penalty giving the scoreline a gloss it did not deserve. They were abject. Then on the Monday, Liverpool banished their Crystanbul demons for another year, 2nd clean sheet of the season for them.

Long post this week. Taken my whole commute to write. Probably should have one hand on the steering wheel* now though.

Let's get statty.

This week, 26 people played

Most popular predicted results: Spurs, Man Utd & Man City WINS (26/26)

Most disputed result: Cardiff vs Newcastle (4-9-13 split)

Highest odds: Doron Salomon 1413/1

Lowest odds: Steven Daniels 788/1

Average odds: 1085/1

Best predictor: Josh Gaon (8/10)

Worst predictors: Me, Tarek & Silverman (4/10)

Average score: 5.58/10

Best predicted result: Spurs & Man City WINS (26/26)

Worst predicted result: Brighton WIN (0/26)

Everyone's results:

To this week's predos:

Wolves vs Man City - MAN CITY

Arsenal vs West Ham - ARSENAL

Bournemouth vs Everton - EVERTON

Huddersfield vs Cardiff - DRAW

Southampton vs Leicester - DRAW

Liverpool vs Brighton - LIVERPOOL

Watford vs Crystal Palace - WATFORD

Fulham vs Burnley - FULHAM

Newcastle vs Chelsea - CHELSEA

Man Utd vs Spurs - SPURS

Good luck guys

*you don't take a toy steering wheel on the train with you?