S15M6: Light Jacket

Oh look. A one matchweek blog.

Wonders will never cease...

What happened? Well...

Liverpool beat Everton 2–1 in a derby that felt like two cousins arguing over who gets the last roast potato. Gravenberch scored, Ekitike scored, and then Everton remembered they exist, before promptly forgetting again. Slot grinned the grin of a man who has found both his car keys and a tenner in the same pocket.

Arsenal versus Manchester City was meant to be grandmaster chess. Instead it was toddlers with soup spoons. City executed a never seen-before-game-plan, Arsenal huffed, and then in the 93rd minute Martinelli lobbed in a goal so audacious it should have been wearing a fake moustache. One-all, both sides left clutching a balloon animal shaped like disappointment. I left to go to work. I was VERY tired on Monday

Over in Manchester, United and Chelsea staged a farce in the Surrey Derby. Red cards fell like confetti at a budget wedding. Casemiro scored, then received his own eviction notice. Chelsea’s goalkeeper vanished early as if he was a united fan needing to beat the traffic home. Somehow it ended 2–1 to United, though no one was entirely sure whether they’d watched football or avant-garde theatre.

Elsewhere, Brighton and Spurs played a 2–2 that resembled polite applause, Burnley and Forest refused to acknowledge each other’s existence, and West Ham quietly surrendered to Crystal Palace. Aston Villa finally scored a goal after weeks of striking a vow of silence, but then immediately spoiled it with a red card, gifting Sunderland a way back.

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Let's get statty:

This week, 22 people played
Most popular predicted result: Liverpool WIN (19/22)
Most disputed predicted result: Brighton vs Spurs (7-7-8 split)

Highest odds: Aron Kleiman (18,6211)
Lowest odds: Hannah Daniels (2098/1)
Average odds: 10,508/1

Best predictors: Feneley, Wigman, Oliver Kay (6/10)
Worst predictors: Steven Daniels, Oli Elton (2/10)
Average score: 3.91/10

Best predicted result: Liverpool WIN (19/22)
Worst predicted result: Man Utd WIN (1/22 - Well done Daniel Wigman)

Everyone's score:

Leaderboard (>2/3; 4/5)

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To this week's predos:

Good luck all

S15M5: General Purpose Blogging

Right, first things first — sorry for ghosting. I know, I know… weeks without a post and you’ve been left fending for yourselves in the cruel, chaotic wilderness of football predictions. Honestly, I had every intention of sitting down, rattling out some words, but then life turned up like a two-footed tackle from behind. Work, family, random nonsense — all piled in like Burnley on a counter-attack, and suddenly writing about football felt about as doable as Allardyce taking a yoga class. So yeah, apologies for the radio silence. I haven’t stopped caring. I’ve just been knackered, distracted, and running around like a headless chicken who also somehow has three spreadsheets due by 5pm.

Still, we’re back. Or at least, I’m back. The blog didn’t die. It just had a little nap.

Now, about those four matchdays I’ve not written about… nah. Not happening. You’ll cope. If you desperately need a blow-by-blow recap of every misplaced pass and dodgy refereeing decision, then maybe I’ll set up a Patreon for the truly masochistic among you. You can pay me to rant at length while I slowly lose what’s left of my sanity. But for free? You’re getting the highlights going forward, not the DVD extras.

So, we'll skip ahead to this week's fixtures

The weekend kicks off with Liverpool vs Everton, aka the annual Merseyside street fight disguised as football — expect chaos, cards, and Slot veins bulging by minute 10. Brighton vs Spurs should be fun if you like one team passing triangles and the other sprinting like they’re late for last orders. Burnley vs Forest feels like the kind of match only their mums will watch, while West Ham vs Palace screams “1-1 and nobody happy.”

Wolves vs Leeds could be frantic — both allergic to control. Then the soap opera: Man United vs Chelsea, where two clubs spend like oil barons but defend like Sunday leaguers. Fulham vs Brentford is West London’s hipster derby, usually entertaining, usually chaotic.

Sunday brings Bournemouth vs Newcastle — Cherries scrappy, Toon explosive, could go either way. Sunderland vs Villa is a wild throwback; Villa should win but Sunderland at home will fancy their chances of ruining parlays nationwide. And then the heavyweight: Arsenal vs Man City. Title credentials, tactical chess, and at least one Guardiola meltdown about “the schedule.”

Strap in: someone’s season is about to implode, someone else will be “in crisis,” and VAR will still make it all unbearable.