S13M16: Emery the Sandbagger

December starts, festive season run up, with games coming more or less twice a week until the FA Cup 3rd round now. So prepare for some double matchday blogs.

Let me do broad winners & losers from the 2 rounds of games.

Winners:
*Arsenal - 2 wins including another late late show and a little gap opening at the top
*Everton - 2 wins to pull away from trouble, even after the points deduction
*Liverpool - don't sleep on a quietly strong season, even after a total midfield rebuild
* Aston Villa - maybe disappointed to drop points to Bournemouth but a late equaliser and then to dominate Man City in a way a Pep team has never been dominated before was special.
*West Ham - Another decent season brewing, even after losing their totemic captain

Mild-winner:
*Man Utd - for still getting points even when being rubbish, and then finally having a performance where they 1) weren't rubbish and also 2) really showed what rubbish is. 
*VAR/PGMOL - not the headline! Woo Hoo!

Losers:
*Chelsea - see above
*Notts Forest - it's pretty bad
*Burnely - see above
*Spurs - 1 point from 15. Not good enough mate
*Palace - just what's the point
*Man City - 3 points from 12. Mini-wobble from Man City.

We've also seen the first sacking - Sheff Utd doing a Watford and bringing back the old guy. Will definitely go well....

S13M14: Second Trimester

 One third of the season gone. 

Man City & Liverpool kicked the weekend off and shared the points. Liverpool not at their best - a rare dodgy game from Alisson but they stayed in the game and were rewarded with a late strike from TAA to equalise.  Later goals were the theme of the weekend, with winnners from Soucek for West Ham, Brown for Luton, Havertz for Arsenal & Willian for Fulham at the death. 

It was also the first game for Everton since their points deduction and they were determined to turn Goodison into a bear pit. That only lasted a few minutes before a brilliant overhead kick from Garnacho deflated the atmosphere. In fairness, Everton created enough to get something from the game, but failed to take anything, whilst leaking like a Tory cabinet in the run up to an election at the back - Man Utd running out comfortable winners. Equally comfortable were Newcastle, who scored a quick brace, before Chelsea captain Reece James decided to ensure he got first dibs on the hot water and Bournemouth, who were 3-0 up with the kettle on after 51 minutes.

Villa &Brighton picked up away wins - Emery getting the better of his good mate, Ange who has seen the early season form drift away through injury and suspension. Brighton held off a Notts Forest comeback when down to 10 men after Lewis Dunk, allegedly, called the ref a cheat. Which, given the PGMOL Shambles this season, probably falls down on Hanlon's razor.

S13M13: We go again

Post-Interlull blogs are always a bit meh, but I have just remembered the Chelsea vs Man City game. What a lot of lunacy that was. Wonderful stuff. Poch's Chelsea....the new Keegan's Newcastle?

Also, this week - Everton - first PL club to be deducted points for being financial felons. Some squeaky bottoms in Abu Dhabi and wherever Boehly calls home. America. let's just say America. 

It's all pretty clear cut to me. Any team without a cannon on their badge to be deducted 100 points. Any team without 2 As in their name to be deducted another 100 points. Any team whose manager doesn't meet the highest estandards of coiffage loses yet another 100 points. 500 if your a bald Dutchman. 

Finally, laugh of the week: A video of William Saliba being shown Arsenal players of days gone by. Pic of Philippe Senderos. Asked to identify, he says "the Everton manager". Wonderful stuff.

Spot the difference....

S13M12: VARception

 Another week. Another controVARsy. What's the point? 

It's embarassing (for the Premier League & the PGMOL) how often this happens. I think back to the Rugby World Cup last month and how video can be so beneficial and think - why did you need to reinvent the wheel? And then, instead of making it round, decide a triangle was a better shape.

Whatever. We aren't rehashing this. 

Man Utd got a late goal to get their jammy win to prolong the lifespan of the ETH regime. Good if you ask me. The only match they've won by more than an odd goal was in the league cup, and many of those narrow wins were gritted teeth and squeaky bums riding a heap of luck. Absolutely awful team, long may it continue.

Brentford showed character to beat West Ham from behind, Palace beat relegated Burnley and Man City spanked Bournemouth 6-1 without significant Haaland intervention. FF losses all round. Everton dropped 2 points late on when Ashley Young scored an OG for Brighton, and relegated Sheff Utd managed to get the latest of late wins against Wolves with one of the aforementioned VAR issues. 

Newcastle ended Arsenal's unbeaten start with the other VARce this weekend. Notts Forest beat Villa on the Sunday before Luis Diaz scored super late to rescue a point for Liverpool at Luton - Darwin with the miss of the season in that one.

And finally - to Monday - aka as Invincibles Day as the final unbeaten record was ended in spectacular fashion. Mate.

Chelsea - the only team to win 4-1 and look bad doing so.

Let's get statty...

S13M11: From the northern reaches

I'm writing this blog after a few drams of Scotland's finest thanks to the lovely people at *Distillery redacted until they pay me money for advertising* so apologies in advance for any typos. No apologies for rambling nonsense because that's all me.

Last week - Spurs continued their solid start with a good win at Palace, holding onto top spot for another week. Mate. On Saturday, Chelsea reverted to peak Boehly, losing at home to Brentford, conceding a wonderful late second, coast-to-coast with the keeper up AND missing his silly foul to stop it. Arsenal thumped Sheff Utd, Bournemouth got a good win against major disappointment Burnley and Wolves resuced a late point against Newcastle. Similarly, Villa beat Luton and Liverpool, Forest. Surprises at West Ham, who lost to Everton and Brighton, drawing with Fulham. Finally, the Manchester Derby was won by Man City without getting out of 2nd gear.

Ten Hag - will he last to December? Place your bets now....

S13M10: Elijah Adebayo is the devil

In 12.5 seasons, we've had 6 perfect scores. Every season, we get probably ~750 attempts at the perfect 10. So it's about 9,000 predicted matchdays.

6 out of 9,000. 0.07% probability. We've had a few near misses over the years, but none as close as this week.

As the injury time board went up at the City Ground, we were 8 minutes away from a perfect week. 7. 6. A long ball was punted forward from Luton player A to Luton forward, Elijah Adebayo. I've been on his wikipedia so you don't have to. Career highlights include loans to Slough, Bognor Regis & Cheltenham. He was at Walsall for 3 years. I'm sure this is a career highlight for him. 

He has 2 players around him. Joe Worrall, defending a lead in injurytime like my small children, embarassed himself, his family and the entire City of Nottingham. He's the captain and went AWOL. Adeboyo cushions on his chest, swivels and smashes it low past the helpless Matt Turner. Point rescued.

Pffffffffffffft. That's the sound of air coming out a balloon.

You've taken this very personally, I hear you say. Correct. Because, dear reader, it was I with the 10 in the bag until this demon stole my crowning achievement. 450 of those predictions are mine. My personal success rate is, well, not 0.07%. But it could have been a sensational 0.2%. That would PROVE* the hypothesis that it's worth doing 10 match accas - you'll win in the long term. But alas, I remain at a 0% success rate. 

So, "Elijah Adebayo" or the Great Satan as I'll now be calling him - I'm coming for you.

Also you Joe Worrall. Also you.

*sort of. Your own money is at risk.

Some other stuff happened to, but who cares any more? What's the point when people like Adebayo are free to roam the earth like the sociopaths that they are.

Liverpool won the Merseyside derby. Wolves got a late winer at Bournemouth. Brentford hammered a very bad Burnley side. City beat Brighton, Newcastle thumped Place (should play Rob Holding). Chelsea fluked their way to a 2-0 lead and then let it slip, and Man Utd beat Sheff Utd. Villa thumped West Ham and Spurs beat Fulham comfortably. You all happy now?

Urgh. Adebayo.

S13M9: Perspective

 Im not going to lie. I really struggled with whether to even write this blog. I've spent precisely 0 time on football in the last 2 weeks. I should have been revelling in Arsenal finally beating Man City - consuming all the content. I'm not even sure I've seen the goal. Everything well and truly put in perspective.

Here's the thing. I love football. I love Arsenal. I couldn't quantify the amount of time I've spent over the years on football. Only a few weeks ago, I nearly collapsed from celebrating Gabi Jesus' late cake-topping cherry against Man United - at that moment, all I felt was ecstasy. To juxtapose one late Brazilian Gabi's winner against a Manchester club against another only weeks later breaks my heart.

So why am I posting? In truth - I don't know. I think because if I stop - I don't know if I'll ever start it up again. Because I've continued through greater personal tragedy than the last 2 weeks. But the truth is - I think I'm doing this because it's what I do - 35ish weeks a year, for 13 years. This isn't me sticking 2 fingers up at terrorism - saying you'll never stop me living my life. It's just numbness on autopilot.

As I'm sure we all do - I'm hoping that this feeling goes - for the right reasons - and I can get back to irreverently writing something nonsensical.