S15M6: Light Jacket

Oh look. A one matchweek blog.

Wonders will never cease...

What happened? Well...

Liverpool beat Everton 2–1 in a derby that felt like two cousins arguing over who gets the last roast potato. Gravenberch scored, Ekitike scored, and then Everton remembered they exist, before promptly forgetting again. Slot grinned the grin of a man who has found both his car keys and a tenner in the same pocket.

Arsenal versus Manchester City was meant to be grandmaster chess. Instead it was toddlers with soup spoons. City executed a never seen-before-game-plan, Arsenal huffed, and then in the 93rd minute Martinelli lobbed in a goal so audacious it should have been wearing a fake moustache. One-all, both sides left clutching a balloon animal shaped like disappointment. I left to go to work. I was VERY tired on Monday

Over in Manchester, United and Chelsea staged a farce in the Surrey Derby. Red cards fell like confetti at a budget wedding. Casemiro scored, then received his own eviction notice. Chelsea’s goalkeeper vanished early as if he was a united fan needing to beat the traffic home. Somehow it ended 2–1 to United, though no one was entirely sure whether they’d watched football or avant-garde theatre.

Elsewhere, Brighton and Spurs played a 2–2 that resembled polite applause, Burnley and Forest refused to acknowledge each other’s existence, and West Ham quietly surrendered to Crystal Palace. Aston Villa finally scored a goal after weeks of striking a vow of silence, but then immediately spoiled it with a red card, gifting Sunderland a way back.

---

Let's get statty:

This week, 22 people played
Most popular predicted result: Liverpool WIN (19/22)
Most disputed predicted result: Brighton vs Spurs (7-7-8 split)

Highest odds: Aron Kleiman (18,6211)
Lowest odds: Hannah Daniels (2098/1)
Average odds: 10,508/1

Best predictors: Feneley, Wigman, Oliver Kay (6/10)
Worst predictors: Steven Daniels, Oli Elton (2/10)
Average score: 3.91/10

Best predicted result: Liverpool WIN (19/22)
Worst predicted result: Man Utd WIN (1/22 - Well done Daniel Wigman)

Everyone's score:

Leaderboard (>2/3; 4/5)

---

To this week's predos:

Good luck all

S15M5: General Purpose Blogging

Right, first things first — sorry for ghosting. I know, I know… weeks without a post and you’ve been left fending for yourselves in the cruel, chaotic wilderness of football predictions. Honestly, I had every intention of sitting down, rattling out some words, but then life turned up like a two-footed tackle from behind. Work, family, random nonsense — all piled in like Burnley on a counter-attack, and suddenly writing about football felt about as doable as Allardyce taking a yoga class. So yeah, apologies for the radio silence. I haven’t stopped caring. I’ve just been knackered, distracted, and running around like a headless chicken who also somehow has three spreadsheets due by 5pm.

Still, we’re back. Or at least, I’m back. The blog didn’t die. It just had a little nap.

Now, about those four matchdays I’ve not written about… nah. Not happening. You’ll cope. If you desperately need a blow-by-blow recap of every misplaced pass and dodgy refereeing decision, then maybe I’ll set up a Patreon for the truly masochistic among you. You can pay me to rant at length while I slowly lose what’s left of my sanity. But for free? You’re getting the highlights going forward, not the DVD extras.

So, we'll skip ahead to this week's fixtures

The weekend kicks off with Liverpool vs Everton, aka the annual Merseyside street fight disguised as football — expect chaos, cards, and Slot veins bulging by minute 10. Brighton vs Spurs should be fun if you like one team passing triangles and the other sprinting like they’re late for last orders. Burnley vs Forest feels like the kind of match only their mums will watch, while West Ham vs Palace screams “1-1 and nobody happy.”

Wolves vs Leeds could be frantic — both allergic to control. Then the soap opera: Man United vs Chelsea, where two clubs spend like oil barons but defend like Sunday leaguers. Fulham vs Brentford is West London’s hipster derby, usually entertaining, usually chaotic.

Sunday brings Bournemouth vs Newcastle — Cherries scrappy, Toon explosive, could go either way. Sunderland vs Villa is a wild throwback; Villa should win but Sunderland at home will fancy their chances of ruining parlays nationwide. And then the heavyweight: Arsenal vs Man City. Title credentials, tactical chess, and at least one Guardiola meltdown about “the schedule.”

Strap in: someone’s season is about to implode, someone else will be “in crisis,” and VAR will still make it all unbearable.

S15: What else could I have done with my time?

HELLO

Welcome back all. Other than last week's blog, it's been a while.

I'm always nostalgic at this time of year. Thinking back to my desk in my uni bedroom, silly chats about accumulators and sitting down, dipping the virtual quill in the virtual ink and starting off on the voyage that's led to today. A bit like that Vasco da Gama bloke. He thought he was going to India. Which is sort of did. But what he really did is create a football team in Brazil (who beat Man Utd so that's nice) AND create the situation for a Portuguese colony in Mozambique, thus leading to the creation of Nandos 500 years later. The point is, you never know what ripples, the first oar stroke makes. Or something like that #Deep.

This year, there's also been a back-end tech stack update. Like a stadium refresh, the Board of Directors have improved the CapEx necessary to breathe new life into a stale process. The VP (Spreadsheets) has been quoted as saying "We hope that the behind the scenes work will bring immediate improvements to the blogging experience that we long overdue. We respect and appreciate all our players and want this to be an enjoyable escapade that they can be proud of. Finally, we have a process in keeping with our stature as one of the largest accumulator accumulator games in the world, fit for the 21st century. We look forward to this translating to success in the (spread)sheets. Forza Impossibilitee". Basically, the analytics will now be AI Assisted...

So - let's start with the formalities. If you've played before, skip this paragraph. If you haven't let me direct you to the Rules tab above. It's pretty simple. Each week, you choose which team you think will win the match, or whether you think it'll be a draw. Think Football Pools style for those of you over 60. Each corrrect prediction = 1 point. Scores are averaged out over the season in a leaderboard - best predictor at the end wins the coveted Impossibilitee trophy. Bylaw - if a matchweek has fewer than 7 games, we ignore it, if it has 7-9 games, it get's pro-rated. 

That's it. That's the game. For those who like a flutter and want to share their 10 match accumulator odds, there's an *optional* field to fill in. DO NOT PUT YOUR NAME HERE. YOU WILL BREAK MY AUTOMATION.

We also have included a bunch of celebrity/tech-led predictors and models - just for fun and to benchmark yourself against. 

Right, think that's that for now. Let's get predicting....

Pre-Season Predictions:

M1 Predictions:

As ever - would be lovely to expand the group again so please share with friends/relatives/colleagues. We had 27 players last year - would be great to get 30 playing this year - all on the leaderboard!

Good luck all!

S14: Predictions Revisited

 Long overdue but frankly, I needed a break. Life is intense, isn't it? I've become a strong proponent of ULI in recent months. What is ULI you ask? Well those of you who haven't googled it that is.

Nope, not the Urban Land Institute nor a (delicious looking to be fair) noodle bar in Notting Hill. It's Universal Luxuriating Income. You see, I've long found the concept of UBI alluring, but the problem is, I like MY life. UBI probably doesn't stretch to that. So I'll need a bit more. Which is where work and stuff comes in. But that's all part of the problem, you see - Catch 22 has a sequel.

Enter ULI. What I'd like is for the government(s) to pay me to essentially be live a wealthy Roman lifestyle, or some sort of landed Victorian. I think I'd be really good at all that stuff. I type this drinking a coffee looking out at the waves in the early morning sun and, really, I'm excellent at this level of living. Join the movement folks, might get some T shirts made (dropship passive income natch, #capitalism).

How's it all paid for you ask? Dunno, PIF like everything else? Not my problem, will punt onto the next generation to solve like my sociological forefathers. My biological forefathers were SAINTS. Except the arsonist. We don't talk about him though.

Right, enough of this. You wanted a 2024 predos review before we got to the new season blog (written and prepped to go out on SUNDAY - set your govt-funded smartphones). So here goes...

S14: Done

 Another season done. Relief frankly. It's been a bit of a slog and my summer holidays is to upgrade the automation here. Some of you folks might remember the bad old days where I'd lovingly transcribe comments into a spreadsheet. We aren't going back there - but I'll have a play with the back end and publications - it's all in the Google world after all. I'm sure something can be done!

All the final day chat was, yet again, about refereeing and I'm honestly bored silly by it now. This error (the disallowed Morgan Rogers goal that would have put Villa 1-0 with 15 mins to play) is career, project and frankly club defining. It costs Villa CL football and allows Newcastle to limp over the line into a massive payday and there's no accountability at all. Rotten.

Of course, Unai Emery was going to find a way to fail, and Emi Martinez is *always* the main character, but even so....raging. 

Chelsea low-key came good after their mid-season wobble to win relatively comfortably at Forest, Woods misses weren't that egregious I thought.

Anyway, you're not here for the waffle. You're here for the leaderboard.

S14M38: Boarding Passes Please

Quiet week in the football calendar. Nice to have a bit of down time, space to reflect.

PL football wraps up this weekend, and the only thing to play for is the order of clubs 3-7, and accordingly, who gets CL, who gets EL and who gets ECL. Arsenal are all but mathematically done in 2nd, and City are highlight unlikely to fall lower than 6th. But Newcastle, Chelsea, Villa and Forest can call move around based on the final day results.

The last ever day at Goodison went by in a sea of Blue Smoke. Not the BBQ people, flares. About 18 years ago I spent several hours on the phone to Everton listening to their hold music -  Z cars - trying to get some tickets for Impossibilitee player David Graniewitz who was visiting the UK. I don't know why. I've had a Pavlovian hatred of that song ever since, so hoping the move to the new stadium brings a new song. The Wonder of You would do it.

We also said goodbye to Jamie Vardy, leaving relegated Leicester. His role and output have waned this season, but he'd said a few weeks back, he wanted to play this game - his 500th for Leciester - and score his 200th goal and then would be done, and incredibly, he's delivered on it. Matchfixing? He's openly said he doesn't want to play in the final matchday....

Finally, we have a tradition at Impossibilitee of following the FA Cup, and though the prediction game in the cup stopped years ago, it's impossible not to have your heart warmed by Crystal Palace winning their first ever trophy, deservedly over Man City last weekend. It's always wonderful to see fans, long starved of success getting their big day in the limelight.

Unless they're Spurs fans. Fortunately, that'll never happen, eh?

S14M37: Eyes elsewhere

Ok, I didn't even bother considering there would be Friday night games on the penultimate matchday of the season. Why do they do this? I don't know David Kogan, but if you do, tell him to regulate this sort of stuff when he starts his new role.

Last week - low scoring stuff if I'm honest. A Season Low in fact, coming on the tails of an all time high. It's a bit like the Christmas period - unpredictable when focus isn't 100% on each game. That's my read anyway.

For example, Southampton keeping a clean sheet vs Man City. Nobody had that. People having Man City bitch about stuff - probably 100% predicted but that's not on my form. Ipswich equally rubbish. Only Leicester emerge with any credit from the relegated teams.

The Moyesiah did his thing - imagine being worried about Everton going down now, with other away wins for Brighton at Wolves, Villa at Bournemouth and for both opponents of the worst Europa league finalists in history. Newcastle's home win against Chelsea the only  home win of the week incredibly.

Finally, to Anfield. A party was pooed on by the partiers. 2-0 in the sunshine, and not only did they drop the points, but they lost their heads, booing their (best ever?) youth product - the man who's won everything at the club and played a vital role in that side. And then the subsequent defence of this....

I consume a fair amount of football media. It's often an education in how rubbish most media is. How sensationalist, how shallow and how herd-like they are. Deep knowledge from club-specific experts tallies with your own eyes and beliefs far more often than the clickbait nonsense from Talksport and Sky Sports. HOWEVER, in this one instance, I think the Liverpool isolationism (from media, friends etc) is wrong. Sometimes - fans get it wrong (my lot and Eboue for example) and the maelstrom of emotion takes behaviour too far. This was one of those times in my opinion.

---

Let's get statty:

This week, 18 people played
Most popular predicted result: Nott(s) Forest & Man City WINS (18/18)
Most disputed predicted result: Wolves vs Brighton (5-7-6 split)

Highest odds: Josh Daniels (2,958/1)
Lowest odds: Geoffrey Skolnick (538/1)
Average odds: 1,676/1

Best predictor: Joe Abbott (5/10)
Worst predictor: Loads of you (2/10)
Average score: 2.89/10

Best predicted result: Brentford WIN (17/18)
Worst predicted results: Southampton vs Man City & Nott(s) Forest vs Leicester DRAWS (0/19)

Everyone's score:

Leaderboard (>2/3; 25/36)

---

To this week's predos:

Good luck all

M36: Belatedly I curse the Danish

Not gonna lie. I'm quite looking forward to the summer break. This season has been *a lot* - as a supporter but also with other distractions. So, apologies for getting this all out belated.

Especially as I had a whole thing I wanted to say last week. What a mad weekend. We've never had so many one-sided predictions. On Sunday afternoon, 14 people were on for a 10. 12 people were looking very happy - Bournemouth 1-0 up. Then Evanilson gets a ridiculous red card (oh hello VAR, nice to talk about you again). Man Utd sort of change the momentum and with the last kick of the game, maligned striker Rasmus Hojlund diverts a hopeful shot in, in an optimitic fashion. Dreams are shattered, but new ones are realised as 2 people went from agony to ecstasy. Our first 100%ers in several years.

I was one of the 12. Buggers.

That was also the weekend Liverpool wrapped up the title. So, short of a few place rearrangements, the season will peter out. And so, forgive me, but I'm not giving a blow by blow for what followed, becuase, frankly, *shrug*. And also, I'm writing at 1am and I can't really see straight anymore so...

---

Let's get statty:

Matchday 34 - prorated (7 games)

This week, 21 people played
Most popular predicted result: Liverpool WIN (21/21)
Most disputed predicted result: Bournemouth vs Man Utd (15-5-1 split)

Highest odds: AFM (32/1)
Lowest odds: Geoffrey Skolnick (9.71/1)
Average odds: 18.9/1

Best predictors: AFM & Eli Daniels (10/10) - PARTY TIME. Although like a Liverpool league win, it's asterisked.
Worst predictor: David Graniewitz & Steven Daniels (5.71/10)
Average score: 8.37/10 - ALL TIME RECORD (Again with the asterisk)

Best predicted result: Liverpool WIN (21/21)
Worst predicted result: Bournemouth vs Man Utd DRAW (5/21)

Matchday 35

This week, 20 people played
Most popular predicted result: Man City, Aston Villa & Everton WINS (19/20) Most disputed predicted result: Crystal Palace vs Nott(s) Forest (11-7-3 split)

Highest odds: AFM (8,8781)
Lowest odds: Geoffrey Skolnick (651/1)
Average odds: 3,584/1

Best predictors: Chris Sutton, Hannah Daniels & Zoe Daniels (6/10)
Worst predictor: Loads of us (3/10)
Average score: 4.25/10

Best predicted result: Man City, Aston Villa & Everton WINS (19/20)
Worst predicted result: Bournemouth WIN (0/20)

Everyone's score:

Leaderboard (>2/3; 24/35)

---

To this week's predos:

Good luck all

S14M34: Done, Done, Done & Done?

So, that's basically the season done.... Liverpool need a point at home to Spurs to win the league. Spurs, who are 1) rubbish and 2) have on numerous occasions shown they'd rather lose than benefit Arsenal in any way, will roll over within 3 minutes. Ange will explode and cover the Anfield Road in hairy, aussie goo. Arsenal are making a bit more work than needs to of securing second place. Man City are on a charge and will probably take 3rd and I suspect Newcastle will lock in 4th. Those 2 might switch. Then there's a bit more of a duscussion about the 5th CL place, but that's really the only jeopardy left in the season. Relegation is done. Mathematically for Leicester and Southampton, with Ipswich officially done if they don't 1) win all their games and 2) overturn a 20 goal differential with West Ham who have to 3) lose all 5 of their games. Basically, if Ipswich win their next 4 games 2-0, and West Ham lose theirs 2-0, then the last game of the season will see West Ham need to avoid a 2-0 defeat at Portman Road to stay up. Odds on this happening are quite long....

---

Let's get statty:

This week, 19 people played
Most popular predicted results: Arsenal & West Ham WINS (18/19)
Most disputed predicted result: Spurs vs Nott(s) Forest (8-5-6 split)

Highest odds: Geoffrey Skolnick (6328/1)
Lowest odds: Steven Daniels (920/1)
Average odds: 3,233/1

Best predictor: Oli Elton (7/10)
Worst predictor: Steven Daniels (2/10)
Average score: 4.42/10

Best predicted result: Arsenal WIN (18/19)
Worst predicted result: West Ham vs Southampton DRAW (1/19 - Well done Zoe Daniels)

Everyone's score:

Leaderboard (>2/3; 23/33)

---

To this week's predos: - Pro-rated due to FA Cup semis. I didn't realise the midweek game this week were from this matchday, so sorry....could have been a 9-game week.

Good luck all

S14M33: Did you miss me?

I have a motto in life. Overpromise, underdeliver. It's worked well enough for me to date. So it is with great regret, and very little fanfare that I deliver the first blog in weeks. It does add to the drama though. What's going on with the movers and shakers?

We're obviously not going to recap 4 matchdays but quick word for Southampton who are going down as the worst (possibly officially) team in PL history. Almost literally pointless. 

Matchday 29 was pro-rated due to the League Cup final where Newcastle beat Liverpool to win their first trophy since 1850, and that's given them a wind in their sails that'll likely carry them to CL football next year. Man City are also on a charge of sorts, so that'll be 4 of the 5 places sorted. Will Forest hang on? Or will Chelsea or Villa jump up and take the last spot.

Relegationwise - Leicester are also all but down. 2 wins and 2 draws in 19 games from van Nistelrooy. Woeful. Relegation form. Ipswich are marginally better off. The margin is small. 3 points. It won't save them. West Ham win this weekend, Ipswich don't and that's all done. The 3 promoted clubs go straight back down.

Anyway, enough of that...

---

Let's get statty:

Matchday 29 (8 matches - pro-rated) This week, 19 people played
Most popular predicted result: Nott(s) Forest WIN (19/19)
Most disputed predicted result: Fulham vs Spurs (8-8-3 split)

Highest odds: AFM (529/1)
Lowest odds: Josh Daniels (151/1)
Average odds: 295/1

Best predictors: Steven Daniels & Geoffrey Skolnick (7.5/10)
Worst predictors: David Graniewitz & me (2.5/10)
Average score: 5.13/10

Best predicted result: Nott(s) Forest WIN (19/19)
Worst predicted resulta: Man City vs Brighton & Bournemouth vs Brentford DRAWS (1/19 - Well done Joe Abbott & Steven Daniels)

Matchday 30 This week, 20 people played
Most popular predicted results: Arsenal & Man City WINS (20/20)
Most disputed predicted result: Wolves vs West Ham (6-10-4 split)

Highest odds: AFM (747/1)
Lowest odds: Feneley (179/1)
Average odds: 361/1

Best predictors: Loads of you (8/10)
Worst predictor: David Graniewitz (5/10)
Average score: 6.95/10 (season high)

Best predicted result: Arsenal & Man City WINS (20/20)
Worst predicted result: Ipswich WIN (0/20)

Matchday 31 This week, 21 people played
Most popular predicted result: Newcastle WIN (21/21)
Most disputed predicted result: Crystal Palace vs Brighton (8-8-5 split)

Highest odds: AFM (5,489/1)
Lowest odds: Geoffrey Skolnick (1086/1)
Average odds: 2,268/1

Best predictor: Me (7/10)
Worst predictor: Aron Kleiman (2/10)
Average score: 4.19/10

Best predicted result: Newcastle WIN (21/21)
Worst predicted result: Fulham WIN (1/21 - Well done Feneley)

Matchday 32 This week, 19 people played
Most popular predicted results: Brighton, Nott(s) Forest, Liverpool & Chelsea WINS (19/19)
Most disputed predicted result: Wolves vs Spurs & Bournmouth vs Fulham (7-8-4 split)

Highest odds: Josh Daniels (773/1)
Lowest odds: Geoffrey Skolnick (137/1)
Average odds: 323/1

Best predictor: Me (again) 7/10
Worst predictors: Eli Daniels, Hannah Daniels & Oli Elton (3/10)
Average score: 4.63/10

Best predicted result: Liverpool WIN (19/19)
Worst predicted results: Everton WIN & Brighton vs Leicester & Chelsea vs Ipswich DRAWS (0/19)

Everyone's scores:

Leaderboard (>2/3; 23/32)

---

To this week's predos:

Good luck all