S13: The Presentation

"Football, Bloody Hell" was the refrain from a certain Glaswegian after some late drama in a big game with silverware on the line.

Well. 

We all thought that might be the case yesterday. Arsenal upsetting the odds to win the league. Last day drama to rival Agueeeeerrrrooooooo in 2012 or Mickey Thomas in 1989. Right idea - wrong place.

Ultimately, there was no real drama to be had. Foden scored in the second minute, then again about 15 minutes after that and frankly, it was all done. Pretty much everything of note was already decided so it was just day for lots of goals in the sun.

Until today. Yes, that's right - 24 hours after the matches did the real drama happen. 

I sat down to do my end of season stats. If you cast your mind back to, er, last week, you'll know that 0.04 separated Massey Rating from Eli Daniels at the top. One of these two TITANS would win the prestigious trophy that's been sitting by my desk for years because no bloody human can win it....

A quick spoiler: MR got 7. A perfectly adequate score. Eli would need to beat him to win the league.

So I sat down to do me stats....

You will notice the absence of an Eli Daniels. WHO FLUFFS THEIR LINES AT THE LAST? The title on the line and he's decided this is one (of his many) week(s) he's not going to play. I complete my stuff, MR of course wins the league and I message Eli to effectively berate him.

"I did play" he replies.

Proof is provided of his absence. 

I ask what proof he can share - anything timestamped in advance of kick off is permissible as you know (and some of you have benefitted from before....). A betting slip. Another set of predos. Anything will do - I'm not having Google take the blame....

He dolefully replies that he doesn't bet and only plays this game. (Thanks mate....)

Then the lightbulb moment. The ripple in the crowd. 

"I've got a screenshot!" he says. A completed prediction form, timestamped at 11.23pm on Saturday night is provided.

Absolute pandemonium erupts. Well, for me. I've got to redo my sodding tables and graphs.

There's a lesson here. Stop blaming one of the world's largest technology companies for your inability to press the button that says submit. Or I'll be forced to turn on email receipts or something.

Anyway, for the last time this season: Let's get statty:

S13M38: It Ends Here

So here we go. 10 matches, one day. The title on the line. Maybe some EL movement. Realistically, no relegation drama. So it's this:

Can West Ham take points off Man City?
No: Man City win the league
Yes: Can Arsenal beat Everton - if they do, they're champions.

Let me take you back to another May fixture between Arsenal & Everton in North London. May 1998. My friend Adam's sister, Gemma was having a birthday party. He didn't want to go, they had SkySports and we didn't, so I went to Adam's house and watched the game in his parents' bedroom with Adam and his grandfather. Adam is a Spurs fan. Adam would still rather sit through the glee of a Gooner winning the league for the first time in their conscious life than join the primary school squeals going on downstairs. 

That, my friends, is proper Norf Landan. Not this nonsense this week about throwing it vs Man City. 

Anyway, Slavan Bilic scored an early OG, Overmars got 2 classic Overmars goals and it was party time. But oh boy, did the party get started. Late on, Don Hutchison tried to stumble his way down the right wing like a drunkard, tackled by David Platt on halfway. The ball broke for Steve Bould who, as he brought the ball under control and checked inside was nearly run over by a marauding Tony Adams, building up a head of steam as he sprinted forwards from the back line - like a rugby fullback chasing a kick. Bouldy spots the run and delicately chips a ball over the Everton midfield and defence. Michael Ball, stunned, pays tribute with a hopeful appeal for offside, whilst his defensive colleagues chase backwards. Reviewing the film, Adams, incredibly, checks his run momentarily to stay onside. Just a half-step stutter, but it saves the moment. The bounce is slightly awkward, coming across him with backspin and he contorts his spine to chest the ball down with the lef tside of his chest. The ball straightens and the extremely right footed Adams absolutely thumps a left foot half volley across the keeper into the far corner from 16 yards, pure as you like. He takes 2 steps to gain his balance then slows to a walk, catching his breath, eyes closed, arms outstretched.

Martin Tyler's commentary forever baked into my brain:
"It's Tony Adams, would you believe it? That sums it all up"

Why do I mention this? No real reason - I just love this memory, and I'd rather talk about this than Son missing a sitter.

Anyway, I'll be hoping for a last minute Mavropanos winner in similar vein. 

S13M37: Keep on going

There are, at time of writing, only 10 days left in the PL season. 2 matchdays & change. I'm not going over 4 matchdays in detail, but let's see what's possible this week: 

Title: Man City could win the league before the next blog with 2 wins and an Arsenal loss. Any other result and it goes to the last day between those two. Liverpool will be mathematically out with a win for either team, and guaranteed 3rd if both win.

Top 4: Villa Win/Spurs Lose and it's all done. Villa will play CL football next year. Bloody Emery

Europe: Spurs will be in the EL with a win (GD permitting but realistically...). Newcastel, Chelsea & Man Utd will make up the rest of the EL/ECL teams but it's 2 points separating them, so all to play for. Man Utd have a 2nd bite at EL if they finish 8th due to the FA Cup final.

Relegation: Sheff Utd down. A Forest win relegates Burnley and means Luton will only be able to stay up with a massive GD swing. A Forest draw effectively relegated Burnley too, unless they overturn a massive GD swing. Burnley fail to win and they're down. Luton need to win big twice unless Forest lose once. I wouldn't put money on any great escapes here.