S4M23:D is for...

2 weeks have passed since the last round of PL fixtures, and in my ecstasy at Arsenal's removal of a dorsal monkey I may have forgotten to write down the ECI predictions and now they're lost to the internet ether. I didn't see us winning even when they didn't have Aguero and Kompany...so doubly surprised when they turned out to be fit! Although I missed the game as I was working nights, I've spent the time since perfecting the Santi dance, which I think we can all agree is time well spent.

Other monkeys removed that weekend:

• Liverpool beat Villa. The most unusual of bogey teams
• Palace continued the Pardew honeymoon but Burnley must be pretty gutted to have lost from 2-0 up
• A late Bojan strike cemented Leicester to the bottom - he's out for the rest of the season now though...what impact will that have on the Stoke attack?#
• Man Utd struggled to a 2-0 win, before (and I have to mention this here) losing 0-0 to Cambridge (badeehadeeha)
• Chelsea got back on their little horse and galloped home from Wales with all the points and all the goals. The little horse then got reined in by a cock for the second time in January. Top farmyard comedy, I'm sure you'll agree. Also badeehadeeha no.2
• Spurs did the whole late winner thing again for the millionth time this season.
• Southampton got their impressive run of form back with a win in one of my favourite fixtures...the long schlep from South to North. The return is also a favourite. As is the time 12:34pm.
• West Ham spanked a sorry Hull. They've been very good this year. Hull have not.
• Pulis effect in evidence at WBA, although Everton are hardly the Harlem Globetrotters when it comes to attacking flair.

The negative of the weekend is that Chelsea are now unlikely to give up a significant lead yet again this season which will likely see Mourinho going the full Pardew in smugness come May. 

In any case - We are all dancing Santis.

Let's get statty:

This week, 19 people played

Most popular predicted result: Man Utd WIN (18/19)

Most disputed results: Leicester vs Stoke and Man City vs Arsenal (7-8-4 split and 8-4-7 split respectively)

Highest odds: AFM (obvs) 176,227/1

Highest odds excluding AFM: Sam Ruback 4574/1

Lowest odds: Doron Salomon 1956/1

Average score: 32,207/1 (3403/1 without AFM)

Best predictor: Steven Daniels (9/10). He's been very proud of this for a while now.

Worst predictors: The Feneleys - mother & son with 3/10

Average score: 5.79/10

Best predicted result: Man UTD WIN (18/19)

Worst predicted result: Crystal Palace WIN (3/19)

Everyone's score:

League table, as ever, the qualification criterion is to have played >2/3 of weeks (15/22)

Tarek's in a Feneley sandwich down the bottom of the table. Doron's great week gives him some daylight, and in fact, sees him challenge for lower mid-table. Good clustering in the 4.90s and at 5.00. Josh Gaon still way out in front though. 

To this week's predos:

Hull vs Newcastle - DRAW

Crystal Palace vs Everton - CRYSTAL PALACE

Liverpool vs West Ham - DRAW

Man Utd vs Leicester - MAN UTD

Stoke vs QPR - STOKE

Sunderland vs Burnley - BURNLEY

WBA vs Spurs - DRAW

Chelsea vs Man City - CHELSEA

Arsenal vs Aston Villa - ARSENAL

Southampton vs Swansea - SOUTHAMPTON

Total odds: 3820/1 (PaddyPower)

Good luck guys!

FA Cup 3.R4: Shock-a-doodle-doo

Well that was a let down. All the standard build up about the magic of the cup and then bugger all in the way of upsets. QPR losing to Sheffield Utd was the only Premier League cupset - there may have been some lower down the league, but frankly...they're all varying degrees of dross, with limited resources with relegation/promotion as a priority.

We nearly had some fun with AFC Wimbledon, but the legend of Stevie G ruined that too. Wigan's recent love affair with the ole' gal also has ended.

There was some good replay action though. Spurs decided to toy with Burnley, giving them a 2 goal headstart before battering the claret doors down. Fulham amd Wolves had a humdinger that went to penalties, however were superseded by the goings on in East London. West Ham defeated Everton with the type of penalty shootout that everyone loves - when the 'keepers get involved. It was another match that waxed & waned, with Everton thinking they'd done enough when Lukaku completed the turnaround after Mirallas' great free-kick and levelled it up late in regulation time. However, Carlton Cole had other plans. A cracking game - one which Impossibilitee Special Correspondant Bradley Allix can report on further.

Anywho,, let's get statty:

This year, we have 13 players
That gives a prize pot of £65.

Most popular predicted results: Stoke, Crystal Palace, Man City, WBA, Birmingham, Derby, Chelsea, Middlesbrough & Man Utd WINS (13/13)

Most disputed results: Huddersfield vs Reading, Fulham vs Wolves and Scunthorpe vs Chesterfield (6-7 split); Bolton vs Wigan and Cambridge vs Luton (7-6 split)

Best predictors: Steven Daniels, Bradley Allix & Sam Ruback (26/32)
Worst predictors: Doron Salomon & Josh Gaon (20/32)

Josh Gaon with the reversal of league & cup form this season!

Everyone's scores:

So, to Round 4's predictions:

Cambridge vs Manchester United - MANCHESTER UNITED

Blackburn Rovers vs Swansea City - SWANSEA

Southampton vs Crystal Palace - CRYSTAL PALACE

Chelsea vs Bradford City - CHELSEA

Derby vs Chesterfield - DERBY

Preston North End vs Sheffield United - SHEFFIELD UNITED

Birmingham City vs West Bromwich Albion - WBA

Cardiff City vs Reading - CARDIFF

Spurs vs Leicester - SPURS
Sunderland vs Fulham - FULHAM
Manchester City vs Middlesbrough - MAN CITY
Liverpool vs Bolton Wanderers - LIVERPOOL
Bristol City vs West Ham United - WEST HAM UNITED
Aston Villa vs Bournemouth - BOURNEMOUTH
Brighton & Hove Albion vs Arsenal - ARSENAL
Rochdale vs Stoke - STOKE

Remember, predos in before kick off of the first game (The unusual time of 19.55 on Friday night). Good luck guys.

S4M22: Much Ado About Spurs & a little History lesson from Prof. Impossibilitee

For some reason, of all the matches I got wrong last week, and there were a lot of them, I'm most annoyed about Spurs. Man City slipping up should annoy me more - I, a self-confessed Mourinho kick-in-the-crotch-if-I-ever-get-the-chancer should have been really bugged by the slip up affording Chelsea their lead back. Admittedly, I'm not drastically fussed or annoyed by Swansea and West Ham drawing. I'm even glad to have got Southampton's win at Old Trafford wrong - a feeling I should have over Spurs's demise.

But I'm not. I'm fuming. And after careful consideration, I'll tell you why.

'Cos it was so bloody obvious. Of course Spurs were going to spurs it up. That's what they do, what they have always done and will continue to do ad infinitum, long after the machines take over and football is played by robots like Cristiano Ronaldo, who I'm convinced is the best animatronic Madame Tussauds model ever. It's in their collective DNA; their very raison d'etre. Spurs spurs things up. They give hope to the most pessimistic of followers....just enough to ensure the crushing disappointment that is sure to follow hurts that bit more. Of course they were going to lose to Palace. Of course they were going to do it by taking the lead. The utter buggers.

I'm not even a Spurs fan and they've really wound me up. Must be utterly gutting to be a Spurs fan (for a variety of reasons, I'm sure). That said, my own team are doing their best to follow the lead as it stands.

Anyway, I'd gotten over it. Spurs returned to part A of the Spurs cycle with a win (from behind, natch) against Burnley. The equaliser - a drive from 20 yards by Capoue. Nice enough goal...hardly a worldy but a good hit.

The BBC commentator - I don't know who she was, but she was bloody awful...channelling her inner Jonathan Pearce with breathy 4-5 word clauses for every, single thing - uttered a cliche to describe the finish:

"like an Exocet missile"

I got to thinking - why is it always an Exocet missile? There must be loads of different types of missile out there - Sidewinder, Patriot, Aegis, Tomahawk, Bazooka, Scud & Fajr to name just a few. So, dear readers, I thought I'd do a little research to learn what is the feature of the Exocet that allows it to describe a hardly struck shot in football.

What have we learnt? Well:

• Exocet is the French word for 'Flying fish'
• It's an anti-ship missile
• It sunk a British ship during the Falklands war - this is I assume, where it entered the public consciousness. 
• It's radar guided at the end of its flight - so has late vector changes. To my mind, this makes it a more appropriate name for the kind of "knuckle" free kicks that are now en-vogue.
• It has a pretty short range, and is generally effective against small to mid-size boats

So basically - it's a pretty weedy missile by comparison. It's fast, but not that fast. It moves late and it doesn't do loads of damage. It seems point 3 is probably the only reason that we have this cliche. This leads me to 2 questions:

1) Pre-1982, was there a cliche about Doodlebugs? 

2) Is this cliche same-same-but-different elsewhere? ie, if you went to watch football in Japan, would they call a shot like that a 'Fat Man'? Or do Israeli commentators refer to blistering shots as being 'Katyushas'?

I feel I've educated enough for one blog, but if you know the answers to anything, or have other theories to share with the class, send your entries to the usual address post them below.

Nuff chat. Let's get statty:

This week, 21 people played

Most popular predicted result: Man City WIN (21/21)

Most disputed result: Crystal Palace vs Spurs (5-4-12 split)

Highest odds: AFM (423,648/1)

Highest odds excluded AFM: Josh Daniels (4229/1 or ~ 1% of her total. The old, if that was the solar system....)

Lowest odds: Me (1021/1)

Average odds: 62, 359/1 (AFM exlcuded: 2144/1)

Best predictors: Lawro, Fink Tank, Eli Daniels & Josh Daniels

Worst predictors: AFM & Chernick (2/10)

Average score: 5.33/10

Best predicted result: Chelsea WIN (20/21)

Worst predicted result: Everton vs Man City DRAW (0/21)

Everyone's scores:

The leaderboard, for those who have played >2/3 of available games (15/21)

Now to this week's predos:

Aston Villa vs Liverpool - LIVERPOOL

Burnley vs Crystal Palace - DRAW

Leicester vs Stoke - LEICESTER

QPR vs Man Utd - MAN UTD

Swansea vs Chelsea - CHELSEA

Spurs vs Sunderland - SPURS

Newcastle vs Southampton - SOUTHAMPTON

West Ham vs Hull - WEST HAM

Man City vs Arsenal - ARSENAL

Everton vs WBA - DRAW

Total odds: 4013/1 (Paddypower)

Good luck folks!

S4M21: Je Suis Charlie

A sombre title this week, and one that has little to do with the last week's football. Just wanted to register my support.

It's always difficult to come back after a break and talk about the football from yore. My memory rarely permits details from more than a few minutes ago to remain, so New Year's Day is a bit of a stretch. Man City, Southampton and Spurs probably the big winners - and Liverpool who profited from some (more) shocking officiating to get a draw that they didn't deserve 'cos of the decisions and the throwing away of a 2-0 lead.

That lets me segue into Stevie G's big move. It's an interesting one, and as a neutral ( 36 games a season), I'm not quite sure how I feel about it. We'd all love to have a Gerrard - a one-club man (not one-man club as Stewart Robson kept saying on Talksport - that's something different, although arguably also relevant to Liverpool) who supported the club as a boy, came up through the youth to captain a pretty successful side, and being one of the best players in the league for around a decade (allowing for incline and decline either end). We'd all love our club to have a reliable set piece taker, a guy with the ability to take the game by the scruff of the neck, with a versatility to his game that allows him to reinvent himself every few years.

On the other side, he's clearly on the slide. His great strength - his physicality - is only going to worsen. If he can't be trusted to shield, and he isn't mobile enough to play up top, then where does that leave him? The obvious comparison is Lampard at Chelsea (and now City), or even Giggs/Scholes...to come on and retain possession, and provide dressing room/training pitch leadership and experience. I don't know why Rodgers doesn't trust him to do that - he's certainly an intelligent enough player to adapt, even if it's not his natural game. Maybe it's a wages thing?

Regardless, it's a shame to lose a good player, and seemingly nice guy, even if it weakens Liverpool.

The other big issue this week has been Ched Evans and Oldham. My take on it is roughly alligned with this piece - http://www.independent.co.uk/voices/comment/ched-evans-has-served-his-time--and-other-misconceptions-about-the-convicted-rapist-footballer-9957849.html I know he's released a half-arsed apology today, but that should have been offered up years ago. I have a major bugbear with the line 'he's served his time' - he has not. I also have an issue with the comparisons to other jailed footballers - especially those relating to death by dangerous driving - a totally different type of offence and one for which the individuals concerned seem to have shown remorse. Evans, for all his blather, clearly does not understand the law of consent, as he is applying to have his case reviewed - he still feels himself to be innocent. This is the crux for me - he has not completed his punishment, is obviously not rehabilitated and, the privilege argument aside (as I don't think it's relevant), those 2 factors should make him presently unemployable. He has a right to work - but he doesn't have the right to expect someone to employ him.

Had he admitted his crime, apologised and then spent his time since release trying to atone for it - I don't know how given the limitations on working with children or vulnerable people - I think people would have much less an issue with him trying to find a club. Maybe a good start would be a donation of a year's wages to a shelter for abused women? I dunno. Happy to entertain debate (on anything) below.

This week's blog got very serious. Dunno where that came from!

Let's get statty:

Last week, 19 people played
Most popular predicted results: Liverpool, Man City & Chelsea WINS
Most disputed results: Southampton vs Arsenal (3-8-8 split)

Highest odds: Josh Daniels, 6445/1
Lowest odds: Steven Daniels 2117/1
Average odds: 3871/1

One can only guess what AFM would have got!

Best predictors: Me, David Silverman & Tarek Najm (4/10)
Worst predictors: Lots of you (2/10)
Average score: 2.79/10. Congrats guys - not just the lowest score this season, but the lowest average ever!!!

Best predicted result: Man City WIN (19/19)
Worst predicted results: Spurs WIN, Liverpool vs Leicester DRAW (0/19)

Everyone's scores:

To the leaderboard, for those who have played >2/3 of matchdays (14/20)

No comments - to next week's predos...

Sunderland vs Liverpool - DRAW

Burnley vs QPR - BURNLEY

Chelsea vs Newcastle - CHELSEA

Everton vs Man City - MAN CITY

Leicester vs Aston Villa - LEICESTER

Swansea vs West Ham - SWANSEA

WBA vs Hull - WBA

Crystal Palace vs Spurs - SPURS

Arsenal vs Stoke - ARSENAL

Man Utd vs Southampton - MAN UTD

Total odds: 1021/1 (PaddyPower)

Good luck folks!